No doubt the "millions of Facebook fans" will be reeling.
I admit it, I did once play this pile of shite. It was more down to peer pressure than anything else - my fiancée bugged me into playing it (though she usually has reasonable taste in games, of course not as good as my taste or my brother's taste in games), she made a big mistake in asking me to play it.
I played it for a couple of weeks then realised how shit it actually is.
Instead of ranting, I shall present my reasons in a lovely LIST:
REASONS WHY CANDY CRUSH SAGA IS SHIT:
1) It's not an original idea. You know EXACTLY what I'm talking about PopCap games - why don't you sue their fucking arses off?
2) It's repetitive and BORING.
3) People constantly feel the need to send you wank requests that clog up your Facebook wall.
4) King.com are complete moneygrubbers - every two minutes they're all like "BUY SOME LIVES" or "BUY SOME BOOSTERS" - the only time I use REAL money for games is for DLC that will stay on my harddrive indefinatley; not a virtual lollipop that only lasts ONE CLICK.
5) The sound effects are horrendous.
6) The announcer is absolutley horrific and every time I hear his voice I get psychotic urges to stick those huge novelty Drumstick lollies up his arse.
7) The "candies", half of them bear no resemblance to any real candy that I know of!
8) These "boosters" that you have to actually pay for - they're USELESS!
9) Your fiancée and mother have a tendancy to come in your room while you're playing something worthwhile like Fallout or Borderlands and drag you onto your PC so that you can stop their whining: "SEND ME A TICKET...!"
10) Did I mention it's a complete rip-off of BEJEWELED?
11) After a while it just gets hard for the sake of being hard. Or perhaps hard for the sake of trying to squeeze money out of people coz you can't beat certain levels without the shitty little boosters!
12) It actually has a fucking telly advert. A really shitty telly advert that feels the need to come on during decent programmes on ITV and annoy me.
13) It's a Facebook game. I'm yet to find a Facebook game that is decent.
14) It has a tendancy to fuck up dramatically. I know this from listening to friends whinging about glitches and their lives not refilling and all this other shite.
15) Oh, you have to wait 20 minutes for a refill of lives. Is this to deter people from spending too much time in front of a screen? NO! It's to encourage people to spend like 70p on LIVES!
16) People who play it on tablets and iPads can easily cheat the lives system by fucking around with their internal clock. Not only do these people have no lives whatsoever, they're also making it unfair for their bizarre competitive 'friends'.
If anybody feels the need to play this pile of wank - I want to know why. Why waste your time on a "free" (and I use that word very loosley) shitty little flash game when you could pay a tiny price of like £10 for something FAR superior:
And Bejeweled 3 is endorsed by my awesome gaming granny - yeah, my 72-year-old Nana who plays PC games. She loves Bejeweled. She doesn't like Candy Crush Saga! Listen to the wisdom of your elders!
And to all my infuriating Facebook friends, I bid you this: