My Pokémon Gaming Trends

WARNING:

The following post contains excessive Photoshopping and probably isn't suitable for children. :P

As I've recently been re-playing Pokémon SoulSilver on the DS (actually on my 3DS because I've only just started to notice how bad the backlit screen was on the original DS), I've been thinking about all the previous Pokémon games I've played and noticed this weird trend.

Of course, I started with Generation 1 on the original Game Boy. I was going away on holiday and I didn't have my own handheld console to play, so my cousin Mark (who is fucking awesome), lent me his original Game Boy with a light attachment and Pokémon Blue - AND said I could START MY OWN SAVE. How epic is that?! Never to this day would I let ANYBODY even PLAY on my saves, let alone start their own and delete mine!

So, my point, I started with BLUE - which when you say the two games together, it's "Red and Blue" (which is what I mean by "the secondary title"). I picked the secondary of the two games. I also picked the fire-type starter Charmander, because fire types are awesome, Charmander in the anime was awesome and he was just always my favourite.

 

Time passes. And I mean it REALLY fucking passes. I didn't even get my first handheld until the original GBA, then I grabbed a GBASP. I did however, obtain a GAME BOY PLAYER for my GameCube from 2003, so I always had that. As I'd missed out as a child, I got a copy of Pokémon SILVER next, to play on my GB Player.

Again, notice the trend? Pokémon "Gold and Silver" - again I picked the secondary title and again I picked the fire-type starter, in this case Cyndaquil.

 

 

 

Following this, I grabbed a copy of Pokémon SAPPHIRE and picked Torchic. Also, as I was now able to choose a gender, I obviously chose a girl. The trend continues, as you can see...

Now this is where shit gets interesting - at this point in time, my best friends and I all had GBAs and we all picked up copies of FireRed and LeafGreen. Well, THEY picked FireRed. I picked LeafGreen. "FireRed and LeafGreen" - and again I picked Charmander and the female character.

Onto around 2007, I was at secondary school and I was in with a major crowd of geeks - we all had DSs and practically all of us (me included) picked up a copy of Diamond or Pearl on LAUNCH DAY in the UK. (From ASDA, by the way, who still to this day do some amazing launch day prices - except pissing Luigi's Mansion 2, which they didn't even stock until like 3 weeks after launch!).

Now this is where I broke the trend. I chose DIAMOND. The primary game. I also chose PIPLUP. The WATER type starter. (I did however keep a female character). Now this could be down to a number of reasons.

 

1) Every fucker else chose Chimchar. I could own them all.

2) Chimchar was SHITE. I still don't particularly like Gen 4 Pokémon.

3) Turtwig wasn't brilliant either.

4) Dialga LOOKED way cooler than Palkia.

5) Dialga was STEEL/dragon, Palkia was WATER/Dragon. 'Nuff said there.

6) When it comes to jewellery, I'd rather have diamonds than pearls. *

 *This statement doesn't ring true with ALL of the other titles, however. I do prefer silver jewellery to gold and sapphires to rubies, but I'd rather wear red shirts than blue ones and also wear "fire" red over "leaf" green.

I returned to the trend with the release of HEARTGOLD and SOULSILVER. The greatest remakes of any video game in history. The only thing that could steal that title would be a remake of Final Fantasy VII. (Yes, the remake of Pokémon Gold/Silver is better than LOZ: Ocarina Of Time 3D! Suck on THAT!)

Anyway. SoulSilver, secondary title. Cyndaquil, fire starter. Female character.

 

 

I REFUSE to play ANY Pokémon game released after 2011. Generation 5 can suck my cock. And Generation 6 can rot in a hole and die while being raped by the fully evolved forms of all previous generations' starters.

 

 

 

Saying that, if I ever wanted to play these games (probably if I had a lobotomy or something), fuck knows what I'd pick. I like BLACK because I only ever seem to wear black. But I like WHITE because, as Ben Yahtzee said: "I went for Pokémon White because I felt some sort of racial connection to it."

 

And as for X and Y... It would be X - because as a female, I have no Y chromosomes and being a big raving lesbian, I hate men and thus wish to have no connection to any Y chromosomes. Ha, eat my fucking wacky as shit reasoning. :D

 

Product Review: Mario & Yoshi Lip Balms

Now how RANDOM is this?
LIP BALMS branded with Nintendo characters!

 

I actually made a video review of these months ago and because I can't remember a single thing I said about them, you can suffer through listening to my wank British accent instead of reading my beautifully constructed prose. :P

 

Europe VS USA: Spyro 2

Welcome to another of my "Frequent Features" - bear with me, in which I shall be pitting the European versions of games against their US versions, sometimes bringing in the Japanese versions to piss all over them both. :D

Sometimes I'll be comparing censorship, differences, extra content or in this case - the TITLES.
(And don't think I'm biased because I am European, I have subjective opinions too. :D)

Insomniac Games released the sequel to the awesome platformer Spyro The Dragon in 1999 in Europe and the US and in 2000 in Japan - all 3 versions oddly enough having TOTALLY DIFFERENT names. In Europe we got "Spyro 2: Gateway To Glimmer" and the USA got "Spyro 2: Ripto's Rage". (And in Japan they got "Spyro X Sparx Tondemo Tours", but I have no idea where to go with THAT one, so I'm not touching it with a PS1 multitap.)

 

As far as I'm aware, there are no major gameplay, censorship or dialogue differences between the two versions - so we're going to compare the two box arts and their titles.

 

Firstly, the European version: "Gateway To Glimmer". For anyone who has actually played Spyro 2, 'Glimmer' is the very first world of the Summer Forest hubworld, a world made from gem-covered fields and mines inhabited by mice wearing hard-hats subtly named "The Gemcutters". As the game starts, The Professor of Avalar is trying to summon a dragon in order to stop the evil Ripto (who HATES dragons!) and thus Spyro is thrown into the world of Glimmer and left to figure things out on his own.

 

OK, so the game takes its title from the very 1st level. I can't think of many games that actually DO that. Also, Spyro doesn't ever actually voluntarily enter the "gateway" to Glimmer - he's simply warped there. (OK, you can re-enter it after finishing the level, but that's not the point.) So I feel this title is a tad redundant.

 

Onto the US version then: "Ripto's Rage" - as I just mentioned, Ripto is the main antagonist (and not to spoil the plot or anything, probably the most badass of all Spyro bosses - you fight him THREE TIMES IN SUCCESSION!) And indeed, upon Spyro's arrival in Avalar, Ripto is certainly filled with rage - more so every time you crush his pet monsters Crush and Gulp in earlier boss battles.

 

Using the name of the main antagonist in titles is something I like - it draws a difference from the original Spyro and its antagonist Gnasty Gnorc who had taken over the Dragon Kingdom. It also draws instantly on how this game departs from the old Dragon Kingdom into the new world of Avalar, clearly stating that Gnasty Gnorc is no longer prevalent and Spyro now has a new foe to fight.

 

And the box art: weirdly, the European box art has Spyro running away from a Lava Lizard (which aren't from Glimmer, they're from Skelos Badlands) - and Spyro shouldn't be running away from them; he should be roasting their arses before they eat the cavemen! The US box art shows Ripto in the background simmering in rage, surrounded by flames. 'Nuff said. :P

 

VERDICT:

 

 

The USA version has the better box art and the better title. :D

 

 

(See, told you I wasn't biased. :P)



Minecraft Creations: Cosmic Spacehead Sprite Statue

Are we ready for more Minecraft Creations? OK then, I present to you (what I believe has never been done before) my 16-bit COSMIC SPACEHEAD sprite statue from the amazing Sega Mega Drive game of the same name:

 

Our lovely Cosmic Spacehead is made purely from wool blocks - red, yellow, white, pink, black and magenta. I extracted his sprite from a screenshot and zoomed it in on PAINT and copied it into the big bland desert area. (Oooh, how very technical I am. :P)

 

With regards to the game itself, I know not many people have heard of it, but Cosmic Spacehead is a truly epic point-and-click/adventure/platformer type thing on the Sega Mega Drive made by the wonderful Codemasters. It's also very cheap - I picked it up from Amazon with the box, booklet and a promotional poster for only like £4. (I did have it as a child but for some reason when my Mega Drive broke my mother took it upon herself to get rid of all my bloody games as well!) I may review it in the future. Wooo. :)

 

I also posted a mini video of my Cosmic to YouTube, so if anyone inexplicably likes the sound of my voice, it's here:



Kirby's Pinball Land: I've Beaten Your High Scores!

Remember how I picked up some awesome game bargains at the Redcar car boot sale?

 

Well, what I like about cartridge games is that the old high score stand their ground (providing the internal battery doesn't go kaput like my Columns cartridge, sob sob) - so when you buy preowned games, you're greeted with the old owner's scores and progress files, much like I did with the Kirby's Pinball Land cartridge.

 

 

Mwah ha ha! Take that Matthew and Vicki! (I assume you're the couple who sold me the game.)

 

And yes, I know that's not a brilliant score. I don't even think I managed to beat any of the bosses on their respective tables. But let me have my petty victory. :P

 

Minecraft Creations: Kirby Sprite Statue

I wasn't sure if I'd like Minecraft - as it turns out, I do, however, I find it very repetitive after a while, especially when my fiancée demands to play it every two seconds. Anyway - while faffing around on creative mode building houses and crap, I jumped on the bandwagon of building 8-bit sprite statues from coloured wool.

Seeing as how my fiancée has developed this intense love for all things Kirby since playing Super Smash Bros. Brawl (even going as far to buy several dozen Japanese plush dolls despite having never even played a Kirby game!) I made my very first sprite statue for her: the classic 8-bit Kirby from Kirby's Adventure on the NES.

 Feel free to use my image as a guide for creating your own Kirby statue - remember to surround it with torches/glowstone to keep the Creepers away! :D

 (And yes, we know Kirby's been done before - but stay tuned, we've made a whole bunch that we believe NOBODY has ever done before!)