Video Game iPod Tracks: Flying Battery Romance

When I passed my GCSE exams in 2008, my mam bought me a 80GB iPod Classic as a present. I called her Lisa. She's stood me in good stead and I still carry her with me every time I'm forced to use public transport to drown out the sound of fuckwits and their screaming children.

Anyway, what's on my iPod? Mainly a shitload of heavy metal albums and practically every song that had been used in some manifestation of a Guitar Hero/Rock Band game. But also, I have a fondness for video game soundtracks (obviously). My biggest GB-fillers are the entire soundtracks to Super Smash Bros. Brawl, Final Fantasy VII and Sonic Adventure 2.

However - I'm a big fan of fan mash-ups, YTPMVs and original video game parody/homage songs. If anybody provides their song with a download link as an mp3 or iTunes link, I'm ALL OVER IT. (And for those who don't, I just use WavePad Master's Edition to steal it. :P)

One song I've recently added to my iPod is this amazing mash-up, a combination of Sonic & Knuckles and Lady Gaga - it's called FLYING BATTERY ROMANCE. It was made by the YouTube user spankypark and now has pride of place on my iPod. :)

Go to their video and leave them comments, thumbs and download  the damn song. It's so fucking awesome. It's not like the typical shitty mash-ups where the songs don't even match tempos - in this one, the two songs actually compliment each other really well.

Zora Link ROCKS OUT!

Recently re-playing The Legend Of Zelda: Majora's Mask, I was messing about with Zora Link and his awesome guitar. I'm probably not the only person to discover this, but you can have minutes of mindless fun by simply whizzing the C-stick round in a circle and bashing the A button - to which Zora Link will rattle off what sounds like an awesome guitar solo. :)

Bear in mind, I did this on the Legend Of Zelda: Collector's Edition on the GameCube that I have and everybody wants coz it's going for like £50 on Amazon.co.uk. Tee hee, I got it during the blissful days of Club Nintendo where my brother and I shared an account and pooled our stars together to buy cool shit - and through us hording games we both managed to grab a copy of this game, costing only 2000 stars.

For those who don't remember, Nintendo games in the GameCube/Game Boy Advance era came with fold-out scratchcard inserts with codes on them that could be redeemed online for STARS. These stars could be then exchanged for cool shit. Most games came with 200/250 stars and peripherals like the Game Boy Player came with 400. And YES I KNOW, Club Nintendo still exists - but now they charge like 1500 stars for a FUCKING KEYCHAIN. We paid 2000 stars for a WHOLE FUCKING GAME. As always, Nintendo isn't as good as it used to be.

Anyway - I did it on the GameCube version - so I had a C-stick to spin around. This would be quite hard to do on the original N64 controller. :)

Here's a video anyway:

 

 
Oh, and get a fucking load of THIS:
 

That is the JACKSON ZORAXE, made by Jackson Guitars. Only SEVEN of them have been made. An exact replica of Mikau's fish-bone guitar from The Legend Of Zelda: Majora's Mask. Even though I can't play the guitar (I play the keyboard actually), I would die for one of these. :D

My Pokémon Gaming Trends

WARNING:

The following post contains excessive Photoshopping and probably isn't suitable for children. :P

As I've recently been re-playing Pokémon SoulSilver on the DS (actually on my 3DS because I've only just started to notice how bad the backlit screen was on the original DS), I've been thinking about all the previous Pokémon games I've played and noticed this weird trend.

Of course, I started with Generation 1 on the original Game Boy. I was going away on holiday and I didn't have my own handheld console to play, so my cousin Mark (who is fucking awesome), lent me his original Game Boy with a light attachment and Pokémon Blue - AND said I could START MY OWN SAVE. How epic is that?! Never to this day would I let ANYBODY even PLAY on my saves, let alone start their own and delete mine!

So, my point, I started with BLUE - which when you say the two games together, it's "Red and Blue" (which is what I mean by "the secondary title"). I picked the secondary of the two games. I also picked the fire-type starter Charmander, because fire types are awesome, Charmander in the anime was awesome and he was just always my favourite.

 

Time passes. And I mean it REALLY fucking passes. I didn't even get my first handheld until the original GBA, then I grabbed a GBASP. I did however, obtain a GAME BOY PLAYER for my GameCube from 2003, so I always had that. As I'd missed out as a child, I got a copy of Pokémon SILVER next, to play on my GB Player.

Again, notice the trend? Pokémon "Gold and Silver" - again I picked the secondary title and again I picked the fire-type starter, in this case Cyndaquil.

 

 

 

Following this, I grabbed a copy of Pokémon SAPPHIRE and picked Torchic. Also, as I was now able to choose a gender, I obviously chose a girl. The trend continues, as you can see...

Now this is where shit gets interesting - at this point in time, my best friends and I all had GBAs and we all picked up copies of FireRed and LeafGreen. Well, THEY picked FireRed. I picked LeafGreen. "FireRed and LeafGreen" - and again I picked Charmander and the female character.

Onto around 2007, I was at secondary school and I was in with a major crowd of geeks - we all had DSs and practically all of us (me included) picked up a copy of Diamond or Pearl on LAUNCH DAY in the UK. (From ASDA, by the way, who still to this day do some amazing launch day prices - except pissing Luigi's Mansion 2, which they didn't even stock until like 3 weeks after launch!).

Now this is where I broke the trend. I chose DIAMOND. The primary game. I also chose PIPLUP. The WATER type starter. (I did however keep a female character). Now this could be down to a number of reasons.

 

1) Every fucker else chose Chimchar. I could own them all.

2) Chimchar was SHITE. I still don't particularly like Gen 4 Pokémon.

3) Turtwig wasn't brilliant either.

4) Dialga LOOKED way cooler than Palkia.

5) Dialga was STEEL/dragon, Palkia was WATER/Dragon. 'Nuff said there.

6) When it comes to jewellery, I'd rather have diamonds than pearls. *

 *This statement doesn't ring true with ALL of the other titles, however. I do prefer silver jewellery to gold and sapphires to rubies, but I'd rather wear red shirts than blue ones and also wear "fire" red over "leaf" green.

I returned to the trend with the release of HEARTGOLD and SOULSILVER. The greatest remakes of any video game in history. The only thing that could steal that title would be a remake of Final Fantasy VII. (Yes, the remake of Pokémon Gold/Silver is better than LOZ: Ocarina Of Time 3D! Suck on THAT!)

Anyway. SoulSilver, secondary title. Cyndaquil, fire starter. Female character.

 

 

I REFUSE to play ANY Pokémon game released after 2011. Generation 5 can suck my cock. And Generation 6 can rot in a hole and die while being raped by the fully evolved forms of all previous generations' starters.

 

 

 

Saying that, if I ever wanted to play these games (probably if I had a lobotomy or something), fuck knows what I'd pick. I like BLACK because I only ever seem to wear black. But I like WHITE because, as Ben Yahtzee said: "I went for Pokémon White because I felt some sort of racial connection to it."

 

And as for X and Y... It would be X - because as a female, I have no Y chromosomes and being a big raving lesbian, I hate men and thus wish to have no connection to any Y chromosomes. Ha, eat my fucking wacky as shit reasoning. :D

 

Product Review: Mario & Yoshi Lip Balms

Now how RANDOM is this?
LIP BALMS branded with Nintendo characters!

 

I actually made a video review of these months ago and because I can't remember a single thing I said about them, you can suffer through listening to my wank British accent instead of reading my beautifully constructed prose. :P

 

Europe VS USA: Spyro 2

Welcome to another of my "Frequent Features" - bear with me, in which I shall be pitting the European versions of games against their US versions, sometimes bringing in the Japanese versions to piss all over them both. :D

Sometimes I'll be comparing censorship, differences, extra content or in this case - the TITLES.
(And don't think I'm biased because I am European, I have subjective opinions too. :D)

Insomniac Games released the sequel to the awesome platformer Spyro The Dragon in 1999 in Europe and the US and in 2000 in Japan - all 3 versions oddly enough having TOTALLY DIFFERENT names. In Europe we got "Spyro 2: Gateway To Glimmer" and the USA got "Spyro 2: Ripto's Rage". (And in Japan they got "Spyro X Sparx Tondemo Tours", but I have no idea where to go with THAT one, so I'm not touching it with a PS1 multitap.)

 

As far as I'm aware, there are no major gameplay, censorship or dialogue differences between the two versions - so we're going to compare the two box arts and their titles.

 

Firstly, the European version: "Gateway To Glimmer". For anyone who has actually played Spyro 2, 'Glimmer' is the very first world of the Summer Forest hubworld, a world made from gem-covered fields and mines inhabited by mice wearing hard-hats subtly named "The Gemcutters". As the game starts, The Professor of Avalar is trying to summon a dragon in order to stop the evil Ripto (who HATES dragons!) and thus Spyro is thrown into the world of Glimmer and left to figure things out on his own.

 

OK, so the game takes its title from the very 1st level. I can't think of many games that actually DO that. Also, Spyro doesn't ever actually voluntarily enter the "gateway" to Glimmer - he's simply warped there. (OK, you can re-enter it after finishing the level, but that's not the point.) So I feel this title is a tad redundant.

 

Onto the US version then: "Ripto's Rage" - as I just mentioned, Ripto is the main antagonist (and not to spoil the plot or anything, probably the most badass of all Spyro bosses - you fight him THREE TIMES IN SUCCESSION!) And indeed, upon Spyro's arrival in Avalar, Ripto is certainly filled with rage - more so every time you crush his pet monsters Crush and Gulp in earlier boss battles.

 

Using the name of the main antagonist in titles is something I like - it draws a difference from the original Spyro and its antagonist Gnasty Gnorc who had taken over the Dragon Kingdom. It also draws instantly on how this game departs from the old Dragon Kingdom into the new world of Avalar, clearly stating that Gnasty Gnorc is no longer prevalent and Spyro now has a new foe to fight.

 

And the box art: weirdly, the European box art has Spyro running away from a Lava Lizard (which aren't from Glimmer, they're from Skelos Badlands) - and Spyro shouldn't be running away from them; he should be roasting their arses before they eat the cavemen! The US box art shows Ripto in the background simmering in rage, surrounded by flames. 'Nuff said. :P

 

VERDICT:

 

 

The USA version has the better box art and the better title. :D

 

 

(See, told you I wasn't biased. :P)