Pokémon Jokémon!

Allow me to share with you 40 stupid Pokémon-related jokes and puns...  These "jokes" were originally published on my FanFiction.net account in 2006. To be honest, they weren't really funny then either. :)

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What do you call a Pokémon with a cold?
- Pika-a-choo!

What is a bug Pokémon's favourite game?
- Noughts and Heracrosses!

What do you get if you cross the number 5 with a Mankey?
- A PRIME-Ape!

What do you call a Pokémon knocking at your door?
- A Rat-a-tata!

What do you call a Pokémon in a hamburger?
- A Relish-canth!

What do you call a Pokémon on a woolly hat?
- An Aipom-pom!

What do you call the Pokémon Trainer who just upset a Charizard?
- Ash!

What do you call a Pokémon eating bubblegum?
- Pika-chew!

What happened to the Nidorino who was scared of its huge opponent?
- It Nido-ran away!

What do you call the Pokémon who forgot to shave?
- Clef-hairy!

Why couldn't the Butterfree go to the dance?
- It was a Veno-moth ball!

What happened to the Machop who tried to swallow a whole Geodude?
- It Machoked!

Why did the Krabby wear a crown?
- It wanted to be KING-ler!

What do you give a constipated Pokémon?
- A Snorlax-ative!

What's a grass Pokémon's favourite pastime?
- Seedot-to-dot!

What do you call a Loudred with no ears?
- Anything you like, it can't hear you!

What do you get if you put a parrot in a washing machine?
- A Poli-whirl!

What do you get if you cross a witch with a Regice?
- A cold spell!

What do you call a just married Spinirak and Ariados?
- Newly-webs!

Why was the Caterpie thrown out of the forest?
- He was a litter-bug!

Where do Geodudes and Gravelers go for entertainment?
- To rock concerts!

Why did the Magnemite act stupid?
- He had a screw loose!

What do you call a stupid Miltank?
- A silly moo!

A Snorlax stepped on the 'speak-your-weight' machine; what did it say?
- "One at a time please."

What happened to the Exeggutor who misbehaved at school?
- It was egg-spelled!

What did the neurotic Grumpig say to its Trainer?
- "You take me for grunted."

What do you get if you cross a Miltank with a Numel?
- Lumpy milkshakes!

What do you get if you cross a Roselia with a sheep-dog?
- Collie-flowers!

How do you get a Gastly to lay flat?
- Use a spirit-level!

What do you call a sad Pokémon?
- Pika-blue!

How does a Haunter scare electric Pokémon?
- "Pika-BOO!"

Which Pokémon is related to E.T?
- E.V!

What do you call a Pokémon train?
- A Pika-choo-choo!

Why doesn't Misty like to eat at the Gloom's restaurant?
- Because they always serve an Odd-dish!

Why did Pikachu go to the bathroom?
- He need to Pi-chu!

That Bulbasaur is so dirty, the only time he cleans his ears is when he eats watermelon!

A Snorlax walks into an ice-cream parlour and orders two slices of apple pie, with four scoops of ice-cream, covered in lashings of strawberry sauce and piles of chopped nuts. "Would you like a cherry on the top?" asks the waitress. "No thanks." says Snorlax, "I'm on a diet!"

Trainer: "Nurse Joy, Nurse Joy! I think I'm a Pokémon!"
Joy: "What a load of Poké-balls!"

Trainer: "Waiter, waiter, there's a dead Volbeat in my soup!"
Waiter: "That's right sir, Volbeat aren't very good swimmers."

And finally, the worst Pokémon joke of all:
How do you get a thousand Pikachu on a bus?
- Pokémon!

Unboxing: Japanese Pokémon Candy

Today I'm going to show you a pair of Pokémon candy/snacks I received from Japan! One is a box of "milk candy," and the other is a Kinder-Surprise style chocolate egg.

Firstly, I had a box of "milk candy." The packaging on this was just amazing - styled after a Master Ball, which even opened up like one once the seal had been broken!

On the inside of the lid, there was a little maze-style puzzle. Under the bag of snacks, I found a collectible sticker - holographic too! The one I got was Mega Blaziken - and it came with some stats on the back - naturally I have no clue what it says, as I don't speak or read Japanese!

To be honest; the snacks themselves were a little disappointing. They tasted like Golden Nuggets cereal that someone had left open for several months. They had a slight crunch to them, but once they were wet in your mouth, they quickly disintegrated into nothing.

Here's some close-ups of the packaging:

(Click to enlarge!)

Front view of the package

Back view of the package - including a sample of the stickers that are available to collect

Side views of the packaging

The puzzle printed on the inside of the packaging

Sticker and packaging that was found inside

Front and back of collectable sticker

Inner bag

Close-ups of the snacks

Next, I had a chocolate surprise egg. It was rather a small box - and didn't come with any bonus goodies inside, but of course, the main prize was inside the chocolate egg itself!

The chocolate was pretty good, a mixture of sweet and creamy and yet it had a mildness to it - like it was a candy specifically made for children. Well duh. :)

The figure inside, according to my Twitter followers is Zygarde 10% Forme. It was fairly simple to build and comes with a nice display stand - which personally I don't think it needs, as it can stand on its own feet - but perhaps other figurines in the set can't.

I'm feeling a little hacked off, as one of the available figures was ESPEON - my FAVOURITE Pokémon - but noooo, I couldn't get that one, could I?!

Here's some close-ups of the packaging:

(Click to enlarge!)

Front view of the packaging

Side views of the packaging

Top view of the packaging

Back of the packaging - lots of Japanese text!

The foil wrapper from the egg itself

Close-up of the figurine

Side views of the figurine

The assembly instructions and list of other available figurines

And finally, here's my full unboxing video:

What My Niece Called Pokémon Toys

Remember when I unboxed those fake Chinese Pokémon toys last month?

Well, when my 3-year-old niece was round at my house, I let her play with them - and just out of curiosity I asked her what she would call them. Her answers were awesome - I love the imagination of a little kid! In some cases, she wasn't wrong, either.

Shroomish - "Grumpy Flower"

Cancnea - "Happy Cactus"

Simsage - "Monkey on Fire"

Nidorino - "Flying Hippo"

Spinda - "Silly Bear"

Exploud - "Scary Big Mouth Monster"

Latios - "Blue Bird"

Liepard - "Spotty Evil Cat"

Magcargo - "Funny Snail"

Manaphy - "Green Baby"

Golbat - "Big Bat Vampire"

Unboxing: Fake Chinese Pokémon Toys

I've been on eBay again - looking for more bizarre Chinese knock-off video game merchandise... 

This time I found a pack of Pokémon figurines - it claimed to come with approximately 40, but it turned out I just ended up with two bags of identical badly sculpted and terribly painted figurines of Pokémon - amusingly at least one from each different generation.



And here is my comparison of these figurines to what they're supposed to look like:

Spinda isn't too terrible - at least the spirals on its eyes and ears are accurate. Its hands are almost the right colour, but it lacks the orange around its waist and spots on its ears and face. It's also PURPLE instead of creamy-beige.

In my video, I incorrectly said this toy was Phione; but I think you can forgive me - it's actually Manaphy. Manaphy that for some reason is a dark green colour and a really bizarre shape... The painting on its markings is really off, the long tail thing on its head is moulded oddly and of course we have to address the pressing issue that it's GREEN. 

Now the colours on this Azurill aren't too bad. The blue is more or less accurate, as are the white on its cheeks. The inside of its ears are a tad too dark - but it's the badly painted face that ruins it for me. I shall applaud them however for making the bottom of its tail flat, allowing it to stand up - which is more than can be said for some of these other figures...

This Magikarp toy is actually pretty decent. Granted, the fins are a blue colour rather than white, but it has all of the correct markings and texture where scales would be - and like Azurill it can stand up on its own too. 

Cacnea in my opinion is by far the best out of this collection of toys - the mould is near perfect, as are the colours. The body is slightly too dark a shade of green, but it has all of the spikes and features in the right place, it can stand up easily and generally looks really good compared to some of the other dross.

The mistake the manufacturers have made on the Nidorino figure can sort of be forgiven. In some representations of the character, such as the anime and Pokémon cards, Nidorino is more of a pinky colour than purple. And, its pre-evolved form Nidoran is pink. I also feel the horn is far too small - but that could be done for practical reasons; perhaps a longer horn would have snapped? 

Here we have Exploud - painted in a very dark purple as opposed to the light violet colour he normally has. The yellow markings are also a darker yellow and the inside of his mouth is a darker pink. The sculpt is OK, but the painting on his teeth is downright terrible. 

This Magcargo bothers me a lot. For starters, it's an orange colour instead of red, the eyes and face are painted and sculpted totally wrong - but it's the shell that annoys me the most. Instead of painting it one solid colour, they've painted on a design like a wheel for some reason.

The main problem with this Latios figure is his face and belly are an off-cream colour instead of white. It just makes it look dirty and wrong. They blue they've used is also too dark. The sculpt is decent though. 

To me, this Chimchar figure looks like bloody Pinocchio - his face is too long and his arms are too spindly. He's also a far too dark shade of orange and his hands and feet are white instead of matching the colour of his face. It's also hard for this one to stand up, due to his stupid spindly legs. 

Now here's a Nidoran (female) - the sculpt is OK and she has all of her markings in the right places, but the blue paint they've used is far too dark - they should have used a lighter indigo shade. It's also lacking details on the feet, like claws.

For some reason, Machoke here has no underwear on. He's only wearing his championship belt, which has weird paint. His skin is a sickly grey instead of a light violet - he's missing all of the markings that show his muscle definition and for some reason he's been punched in the face - his mouth looks like it's pouring blood!

Here we have a Shroomish - who is painted in bright yellow instead of a beige. It does however have the correct markings and has detailed feet - but the face. They've ruined the face totally by forgetting to add his little furrowed brow.

Golbat here is painted in grey instead of blue, with green inside wings instead of purple. Its wings are totally the wrong shape, as are its feet - but that could be just to help it stand - and don't even get me started on what the fuck is going on with his mouth.

I can't even begin with this Crobat. It's just as terrible as the Golbat above, even using the same weird grey paint. It has no eyes, its teeth aren't painted, it has no feet or nubs on its wings - and generally looks like a big bag of shite. 

This Froakie here isn't too terrible either - the only thing it's really missing is the dark blue stripe down his nose and the white collar around his neck. The hands, eyes and other markings are decent though.

Clauncher looks like its eyes are closed here, and it's lacking many of the black lines on its claws and body. Its antennae are only half-painted and don't sit in the right place either. They have, for once used more or less the correct shade of blue for its body though. 

Axew is a bright green instead of a dark olive colour - whatever he holds in his mouth is totally unpainted, leaving it the same weird green as its skin. His neck markings are also bright yellow instead of lime green. The painting and sculpt on the eyes is OK though.

What the fuck is going on with this Reuniclus? It has no ears, half of the blobs on its arms are missing or mis-painted and its face is seriously fucked up. They've also had to add a weird chunk onto its arse to make it stand up properly.

Galvantula here has a decent sculpt and has the majority of its markings in the right place and painted in the right colours - just the main body is far too light - it should be yellow, while this toy is bordering on a cream colour.

Servine's sculpt here is just totally off - it has massive pudgy feet and arms, the arms are totally the wrong colour too - and its lime green pattern on its back is far too dark. 

Zebstrika is missing the stripes on its legs, along with the markings on its ears. The rest of the white stripes however are painted pretty well - including the mane and tail. Not too bad actually.

This Liepard is painted in a navy blue instead of a dark purple - the yellow parts are far too light and the markings around its eyes are purple instead of pink. We're also missing the yellow stomach, yellow face and even its bloody whiskers!

Pansear here has one major issue - as you can tell by the fact I'm holding it up, it can't stand up by itself. The face isn't too bad, but the colours are totally off and he is missing the yellow inside his ears.