Charm Agony Reacts To Fan Art - The Stuff Too Spicy For YouTube!

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Fallout 4 Settlement Tour - Red Rocket Truck Stop

So I've set myself a challenge - build a thriving community at every available settlement within the base game and the six added with the game's DLC. I must keep my settlers as happy as possible and provide all of the amenities people would need to live comfortably (i.e. toilets, recreation, communal areas) - and many of the settlements will follow a specific theme. All of my settlers will also be armed and dressed painstakingly by hand...

For a full list of settlements and also to see which mods I've used, click here.

RED ROCKET TRUCK STOP

Aerial view of the settlement

For this settlement, I built around the existing gas station building itself whilst making use of the indoor space and the flat rooftop. To access the roof, I built this staircase, using pieces from the 'warehouse' section, structure pieces added by the Contraptions Workshop DLC. I can use it and so can the settlers who need to access the roof.

On the roof is the main power generator, a metal shack that can house 6 settlers. I manually assigned them to their beds so all of the shopkeepers live on the rooftop. This is also where I mounted all of the settlement's turrets. Being raised up so high, they have excellent range and *never* take damage from any attackers.

Being a former gas station, I decided to go with a scrapyard sort of aesthetic. I turned an abandoned school bus, trailer and two train box cars into the other settler housing, providing each one with either a sleeping bag or a mattress and either a footlocker or a duffel bag to keep their possessions in. I also used conduits to wire up the structures and lit them up inside.

In the central area, between two of the "houses," I also built a bathroom area, which includes several sinks, toilets and urinals for my settlers to use when needing to relieve themselves or wash up. To the left of the trailer home is an area for travelling merchants and their Brahmin.

In addition to the roof-mounted turrets, the settlement also has 3 guards stationed on raised guard towers and the 5 "pets" I chose for the settlers are tamed Mole Rats. As well as being pets, they also provide some defence. Nearby is an underground Mole Rat den, so I like to imagine the settlers were able to tame them. Obviously this was actually achieved via the use of a beta wave emitter.

There is a total of 4 powered water pumps, providing 40 water to the settlement. I built two main areas for the planting of crops, which are Mutfruit, Tatos, corn, carrots and via the use of the Homemaker mod, silt beans. In the top corner, there is a pen that houses 3 Brahmin. On the side of the main gas station building is a gym/recreation area with fitness equipment and around the back are all of the crafting benches.

For the shops, I built a long roofed structure with an open front. Each shop has its own stock shelves behind the shopkeeper and any other relevant items (i.e. first aid kits for the doctor.) This whole area is lit up beautifully at night and the settlers gather around the bar when they've finished working. To compliment this, I also built a seating area in front of the bar where they can hang out together.

Inside the gas station itself is another communal area and kitchen. The small office area has been changed into a room where the barber and facial surgeon work out of, along with 2 beds for the guards. My favourite area however is the large open garage - which I turned into another communal area with seating booths, vending machines, a jukebox and lots of wall decoration. This is also where the settlement's two cats hang out.

Here's some more screenshots - simply click to enlarge them.

And here's a guided video tour I made:

Review: Costume Quest

It's Hallowe'en! Time to wrap up your children in black bin bags, toilet roll tubes and tin foil and send them off into the pitch darkness to visit the homes of complete strangers and beg for candy! While they're out getting molested by clowns hiding in the bushes and ingesting class A drugs that were carefully disguised - you can stay home, lock the door and eat all the candy you bought for the kids while you enjoy a suitably seasonal themed gaming session.

Costume Quest is a 2010 game developed by Double Fine Productions, released on PC, the Xbox Live Arcade and Playstation Network. Set in and around a suburb and a shopping mall at Hallowe'en, you assume the role of either Reynold or Wren, one of a set of fraternal twins and a group of their misfit friends all clad in homemade Hallowe'en costumes. The game is a mixture of sandbox exploration and RPG - quests and side quests mixed in with random battles and scripted boss fights - in both of which the Hallowe'en costumes play a role.

The town has been overtaken  by Dorsilla the Witch and the Grubbins - a group of green-skinned ogres who are hell bent on enslaving the trick-or-treating children and stealing their candy hauls. The children aim to put a stop to their plans by capturing all of the candy for themselves - by trick-or-treating all of the local homes and shops and collecting new costumes, items and battle stamps to defeat the area bosses.

Like most RPGs, there are a host of collectible items and sidequests to fill out your journal with - these include collecting trading cards of bizarre candies and treats (and trading your doubles with NPCs to acquire rare ones), battle stamps, which provide new skills and abilities in battle and secret costumes, which provide new abilities in both the field and during battle.

Naturally, as it's Hallowe'en - there will be plenty of tricks to go along with your treats and plenty of fun themed challenges and sidequests to compete in - such as best costume competition, bobbing for apples, hide and seek and gatecrashing private parties in costumed disguise.

The game’s currency is candy - which is obviously stored in your characters’ trick or treat pails - which can be upgraded over time to larger ones with bigger capacities. Candy can be earned from winning battles, completing side quests, trick or treating at the correct houses or can just be picked up off the ground or found inside breakable objects.

The game is family friendly and has simple controls and limited options in battle to be accessible to younger players - but also includes several more high-brow jokes and references that only adults would understand, in addition to optional battles and tasks that are more difficult.

Each costume provides different effects in battle and in the field - the battle effects will be categorised as melee (large damage dealing attacks), defense (defensive spells), special (spells with unique effects) and support (healing spells). The field effects include shields to pass through areas with falling rocks, roller skates to jump ramps into new areas and a light up sword to illuminate dark sections.

Instead of relying on complicated stats, weapons and armor like a traditional RPG, Costume Quest relies solely on your experience and level and matching different costume abilities to certain battle situations. This also makes the game simpler for children but still retains somewhat of a challenge for the more obtuse bosses and their awkward attacks. Both attacking and defending involve matching a button sequence or quick time event too - instead of the standard turn-based trope of sitting around and waiting. This makes the relatively short battles more involved and fun.

In addition to the main storyline, there is a DLC world, Grubbins on Ice which turns the story on its head and allows the children to join forces with the Grubbins to defeat Araxia and Big Bones - who have kidnapped your friend Lucy. This DLC continues on from your main story progress and you retain your previous levels, costumes, battle stamps etc but also provides you with the opportunity to unlock DLC specific costumes and items as well as raise your levels to match the new higher levelled enemies and bosses.

My main complaint with Costume Quest is its length. It's far too short! I enjoyed a good 6-8 hours of the main quest and DLC and was sadly left wanting more. It's like I'd only been given fun size Milky Ways in my trick or treat bag from the grouchy old man across the street, knowing full well he had king sized ones in his pantry. I would have loved some post-game sidequests, another DLC world or the opportunity for a new game plus with stronger enemies - after I'd collected literally every item in the game, completed all of the sidequests and maxed out all of my characters - I was still hungry, damn it! I have a massive sweet tooth for RPGs, after all.

So if you're looking for a fun little game this Hallowe'en and are tired of the predictable jump scares of horror games or the absurd plot twists of the psychological thriller games - or if you're looking for a family friendly title you can play with your kids, I recommend Costume Quest wholeheartedly. But I can't promise you won’t be left craving something a bit more after you've finished chowing down...

Banjo-Kazooie Theory - What IS Clanker?

The 3rd level in Banjo-Kazooie is a half underwater cave and sewer system called Clanker’s Cavern. Inhabited by various crabs, fish and other aquatic life - and of course, the cavern’s namesake, Clanker himself. 

It seems that Gruntilda’s Lair lacks the usual means of refuse disposal like garbage chutes or an incinerator, instead she employs the use of Clanker, who claims to be her “garbage grinder.” Presumably he functions as some sort of living trash compactor, or even darker, perhaps his home got turned into the whole castle’s refuse centre and Grunty just dumps all of her rubbish there and he's forced to eat it, either to survive or as a means to stop his home getting too overrun with it.

There's so many unanswered questions surrounding Clanker - but the one that springs to mind for me is, what IS Clanker anyway? Is he a robot? Or is he a living being? I've got a bunch of evidence that supports both theories, so allow me to go through them - and at the end you can make your own decision.

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Clanker is alive

The most obvious sign that Clanker is alive is the presence of organic tissue; namely the bloody wounds present on his exterior and the flesh and guts present in his interior. Clanker is clearly not impervious to injury, and the fact he is covered with wounds, rather than dents or scuffs, proves his exterior is more akin to skin than it is to sheet metal.

Clanker is clearly an aquatic being - although during Grunty’s Furnace Fun, he is referred to as a whale, Clanker can breathe air or he can breathe underwater via the use of his pair of gills. When raised above the water level however, he breathes through his blowhole. Clanker is an amphibian - he can breathe underwater or above the water.

Clanker is both sentient and capable of feeling pain and discomfort. He originally expresses to Banjo and Kazooie that he wishes to breathe the fresh air, as he is tired of living in dirty water. Once he is above the water level and breathing said fresh air, he complains of a toothache - his teeth hurt as a result of eating too much garbage - so Banjo and Kazooie employ a double tooth egg-straction in order to relieve his pain. Unless he has a very accurate AI, robots cannot feel or express pain.

Next is Clanker’s internals. Inside his stomach, there are clear skeletal structures visible - he appears to have both a spine and a ribcage. In addition, his stomach is filled with fluid, indicating stomach acid or some other gastrointestinal liquids used to aid digestion.

One of the hazards inside Clanker are these things - seemingly sentient fleshy protrusions that whip side to side and can hurt Banjo. I propose these are actually some form of parasite, what we see is their tail and body, as their head is buried into Clanker’s flesh in order to feed off of him. All of these point to Clanker being somewhat alive, having both flesh, organs and blood.

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Clanker is a robot

The most obvious sign that Clanker is a robot is his metallic appearance - even his name is a hint towards him not being a living creature. He clanks. Metal clanks. Rusty robots clank. His whole exterior and even some of his interior are made of metal - I presume steel, as he lives primarily in water and doesn’t appear to have rusted - as metals such as copper or iron would.

Next is the anvil and chain. Clanker is anchored in place, possibly so he can't escape his garbage grinding prison, by an anvil and a chain that protrudes from his stomach. Now if he were alive, the act of literally piercing an animal through the stomach, if they were to even survive it - as there's the risk of their vital organs being ruptured or dying from an infection - they would have visible scar tissue around the piercing. Clanker doesn't have anything like that. Also, with tethering a living creature, it would be more common to attach some sort of collar, or if they were to use a piercing, a ring through the nose, like we see in domestic bulls and bullocks.

Let's focus on Clanker’s diet - it seems he subsists primarily on garbage. And yes, while animals such as rats, mice and other vermin have flourished due to living on the refuse of humans, they only really eat our food scraps. Rats don't eat tin cans or scrap metal or anything really that we wouldn't eat. As there is clearly no excess refuse either floating in the water around Clanker or sunken to the bottom of the water, we can presume he eats pretty much anything - including things like metal, plastic and glass. This is unlikely to happen in living creatures as it would be likely to kill them.

Next is the way Clanker speaks. Notice how he starts his sentences? He says “bzzt,” an onomatopoeia for either an electric shock or a computer or robot malfunctioning. Clanker is clearly run down and wearing out due to being overused and probably poorly maintained - thus his speech pattern is broken and he's giving clear signs of being in disrepair. A living creature wouldn't make a sound like that.

Inside Clanker is a section filled with rotating saw blades. This is the section where Bottles the Mole teaches Banjo and Kazooie the Wonderwing ability. As Clanker is used for garbage disposal, I propose these blades are used to slice up larger pieces of waste or things made from metal in order to help Clanker dispose of them easier, akin to a trash compactor or sink disposal. A living creature clearly wouldn't have a mechanical digestion aid inside of them.

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So what do you think? Is Clanker alive, or is he a robot? I'm tempted to sit on the fence and stay in the middle and say he's actually both. He's a cyborg - as he clearly possesses sentience, intelligence and feelings and shows signs of having flesh, organs and blood - yet simultaneously has non-organic skin, mechanical parts and has a somewhat robotic way of speaking. Perhaps he was just an ordinary whale at first but fell victim to the experiments of the mad scientist Klungo.

Maybe he was used as a test subject for Gruntilda’s magic - or maybe he simply adapted to his surroundings and had the Snippets build him a snazzy steel suit to protect him and he became more and more mechanical as he was used like a machine, locked up with no freedom and used as a garbage grinder - he eventually gave up and accepted his fate. Whew, Banjo-Kazooie is pretty dark sometimes huh?

Review: Dead Block

Are you like me? Are you tired of the unrealistic zombie apocalypse survival games that allow you to subsist totally on coffee creamer and mow down thousands of zombies with a chainsaw? Fed up of the ridiculous implausible cast of characters like office workers, children and overweight middle aged men? Bored of the sheer nonsensical storylines involving viruses and infections that somehow escape containment at top secret labs?

Well it's time to put an end to all of these zombie survival game tropes once and for all! Behold, Dead Block! 

A zombie survival game set in the 1950s that allows you to build explosive door traps from broken shelves and nuts…? An all new all-star cast of a construction worker… a boy scout and a sexy police officer…? A zombie invasion that was caused by the sheer unholy abomination sweeping across America known as ROCK N ROLL MUSIC?! ...Oh for fuck’s sake. It's hopeless isn't it? Zombie apocalypse games are as realistic as unicorns and living comfortably on minimum wage.

So… While we're here… Dead Block is a 2011 arcade-style safehouse defense game by Candygun Games - released on the Xbox Live Arcade, Playstation Network and Microsoft Windows. 

You assume the role of one of three playable characters, Jack Foster, a construction worker sporting a handlebar moustache, Mike Bacon, a resourceful boy scout and Foxy Jones, a police officer with an impressive afro and mini skirt. Some levels require you alternate control between two or all of the characters whilst allowing the CPU to control the inactive characters. There is also a split-screen co-op mode that supports up to 4 local players, but unfortunately doesn't include any online modes.

The game is broken up into different levels based around classic Americana - such as garages, diners, high schools and motels - you are then faced with the task of barricading yourself in safely by blocking up the doors and windows and setting traps to immobilise or kill any zombies who manage to creep through. You gather the main resources, wood and nuts by smashing up objects such as shelves, beds and tables and rummaging through toolboxes, cupboards and piggy banks. Wood is used to construct barricades and nuts are used to set traps.

Jack, Foxy and Mike can all build barricades but all come equipped with their own unique traps, weapons and skills. For example, Jack can smash items the fastest and build the strongest barricades. Mike can search objects the fastest and build the deadliest and most innovative traps. Foxy is the best at hand-to-hand combat and can later utilise weapons from her police arsenal like tasers and shotguns.

You can also electrocute zombies by placing a piece of meat to lure them over to a heating unit. Fixing broken TVs will distract zombies and gather them in a single area as they are dazzled by the flashing lights. Any coins you find can be used in the vending machines to refill your health with Fatty Cola or used in the jukebox for a special attack that causes all on-screen zombies to rock out and dance until they die, literally.

The primary objective of each area is to find a guitar, amplifier and effects deck that will set the stage for you to blast out an electric solo that kills all of the zombies infesting the area. Other levels will also require you to rescue your friends who are held captive somewhere within the level or kill a set number of zombies. There are also optional medals to be earned - which involve smashing a set amount of objects, killing enough zombies and ensuring you and your partners don't get eaten. Your high scores and clear times can also be uploaded to the respective format’s leaderboards for bragging rights.

Both the single player and co-op modes feature their own unique bunch of levels and there is even a DLC level pack - More Dead To Block that comes with more. You can play on either easy, medium or hard - and you're encouraged to work your way up to hard, as that's the only way to earn the elusive gold medals! 

As you progress through the game you will also be able to find stronger weapons for your characters, more complicated trap schematics and upgrades to their special ability. For example, Mike Bacon can throw out a tasty cheeseburger to distract zombies. This can later be upgraded to a brain burger with cheese that attracts more zombies and eventually into a brain burger stuffed with dynamite - which makes short work of the greedy horde.

The main problem with Dead Block is that it's very repetitive. Whether you're in a diner, a high school or a Turkish bath house - you'll always be running around smashing the same objects, building the same traps and jamming out the same guitar solos. Personally I don't mind repetitive gameplay as long as it's fun - some players may only be able to play a level or two before getting bored. Few people are dedicated enough, like me, to play the game for 6 hours solid and then wonder what happened to your evening.

The lack of online multiplayer modes was also quite disappointing - as I liked playing it locally with a friend but naturally was annoyed after a while by only being to play on half of my screen. He went home and promptly downloaded the game - only for us to be frantically searching for the online mode and being unable to find one.

However I do feel that the art style is colourful and unique, some of the wacky traps were genuinely entertaining - especially mounting the blocked toilets above the corridor doors and dousing the horde with sewage - and the characters were all different and likeable, compared to the usual slew of military men and elite law enforcement personnel. The concept of rock n roll music raising the dead and simultaneously being used as a weapon against them may be unrealistic, but it's more entertaining than throwing a grenade or mowing down a horde in a monster truck.

So I recommend Dead Block to anybody who is a fan of arcade-style level based gameplay, can think strategically and is bored of the usual zombie game tropes and is looking for something *ever so slightly* different… 

"Look Into My Pies" Alternative Ending!

Did you know that "Look Into My Pies," A.K.A. "The Hypnosis Sketch" originally had a different ending? I wrote *this* ending first, and my two proofreaders said they felt Cat Chaos was too harsh, too mean in it. As a result I re-worked it and used a different ending.

However I did RECORD the original ending - so here it is!

I'll let you be the judge, which do you prefer, this ending, or the YouTube ending? Do you think Cat Chaos was too harsh, or does Charm deserve all the hilarious misfortunes he subjects her to?

Spyro 3: Year Of The Dragon - Funniest Dialogue

Today I’m going to share with you some of the funniest lines of dialogue from Spyro 3: The Year of the Dragon. Insomniac Games did an amazing job at making the original Spyro PS1 trilogy appeal to both kids and adults - and managed to include some genuinely funny dialogue without adding any adult humour to maintain its 3+ rating. One disclaimer though - this list is dialogue from the main game only - no cutscene dialogue - so unfortunately I shan’t be including this gem:

Why, you brazenly avaricious, duplicitous, larcenous ursine!

Tara
Not only is the character of Tara a full-on homage to Lara Croft - she even makes a mockery of the core gameplay of the original Tomb Raider series - “pressing switches” and “pushing boxes around” is literally all I can remember doing in the first games.

Sheila’s Haiku
The fact that all of the characters in Spooky Swamp speak in haiku is funny to begin with - but when Sheila comes out with this - I admit I LOL’d the first time I heard it. I just wasn’t expecting it!

Prince Azrael
All the way through Charmed Ridge, we’re made to believe that the Amy X Azrael scenario is a kidnapping or forced marriage - as it turns out, they’re in love and they’re eloping. What makes this scene even funnier is that Prince Azrael is a biker punk - check out his skull earring and motorbike!

Blue Hedgehog
Do I really need to explain this one? For some reason, we as gamers love it when references to other games show up, either as easter eggs, dialogue or just blatantly like Moneybags does here. It’s especially heartwarming when it’s not a negative reference to a character or series from a rival company.

Moneybags’ Haiku
The unique quirk of Spooky Swamp is that everybody there speaks in haiku - including the non-native NPCs like Sheila and Moneybags. Unlike Sheila however, Moneybags has a clear dislike of haiku, but ironically expresses this using the medium he claims to hate!

Happy Thoughts
Moneybags is such a sarcastic character in the 3rd iteration of Spyro - in the 2nd title, and his debut - he was more or less just a greedy scrooge-like character who was relatively nonplussed if Spyro were to refuse to pay his fees - as if to say, well it’s no skin off my nose if you can’t finish the game. In Spyro 3 however, he started taking things more personally and sometimes really came out with some zingers.

Hockey Players
Growing up, I used to go to watch a lot of live ice hockey games - so I knew they often got violent. Hearing Nancy say this so nonchalantly in an attempt to make Spyro feel guilty was just hilarious - though as this glorified escort quest was so bloody frustrating, watching her get whacked across the rink with a hockey stick made me LOL every time.

Another Sequel
A fine example of a developer poking fun at themselves here - and also a weird prediction for the future. At this point, Spyro was onto his 3rd main series game and was in development for a future installment, spin-offs and even crossovers with other franchises - a nice bit of foreshadowing and humour mixed together here, Insomniac.

Slick/Frozen Tongue
Hunter is my most-hated character from the Spyro universe - he’s cocky, overconfident and sometimes can be downright incompetent and obtuse for the sake of it - so seeing him get his comeuppance thanks to you failing is simply heart-warming. It’s also a really unique bet that the Yetis came up with - props to their creativity!

Someone So Purple
Not only is this quote borderline racist to purple-skinned beings, it’s also massively hypocritical - it’s being said by a PURPLE seal! Also, how does the colour of one’s skin affect one’s ability to perform tasks? Idiot seal.

Schooled 'Em
Hunter really knows how to embellish and elaborate, doesn’t he? This line is a vast improvement on his previous “dizzy one-toed sand Gnorcs” comment from a previous level. I really liked this quote and did my best to memorise it as a kid, I just thought it was genius.

Marco
In the vast majority of games, we as the protagonist are lead to believe that everything we do is for the greater good - that you couldn’t possibly be trying to reunite an estranged couple, one side of which wants nothing to do with the quest giver - and has even gone as far as to take out a restraining order!

Feel Really Cold
Another great example of programming in lines of dialogue that actually react in real-time to the things Spyro does and the changes that occur in-game. If you follow the clues to reach these gem barrels by freezing this NPC and using him as a step-stool, once he thaws, he expresses himself thusly.

Sorceress’ Butt
Oh dear Zoe. She has a point, The Sorceress is the most evil Spyro villain thus far - Gnasty Gnorc didn’t kill any dragons, he just froze them. Ripto didn’t hurt anybody, he just enslaved them. The Sorceress outright admits to planning to murder not just the dragons, but also the baby hatchlings - so insulting her appearance is sort of justified… Also, PEGI 3+ rating maintained eloquently.

Hip Hip Hooray
The Hummingbirds do their best to maintain a professional attitude to their CO and remain upright and represent the military as best as they can - but this soldier just couldn’t resist breaking the facade to express her joy.

Trampled
I really liked the attention to detail Spyro 3 added - such as characters having unique dialogue if you were to speak to them outside of the expected times - such as when they’re interacting with the world or its creatures. She has a point though - Spyro isn’t doing much to help this situation in reducing the risk she gets trampled by a water buffalo!

Moneybags Retires
One of the absolute best moments in Spyro 3 was when you got revenge on Moneybags and chased him around Midnight Mountain, flaming and charging him to get all of your extorted gems back. Spyro 2 did something similar, but just showed it through a non-interactive cutscene - Spyro 3 did it way better. To further cement his feeling of utter defeat, he resigns to retire to his most-disliked level and write haiku, which he also admitted to hating.

Cat Thing
Sometimes I forget that Hunter is a cheetah and thus is a member of the feline family. I love cats - so hearing cat-related jokes, puns and humour based around their species quirks is great. Hunter even follows through on this confession by never showing up in any underwater sections without first putting on a wetsuit to keep his fur dry!

Password
Another fine example of Moneybags being an absolute savage. I don’t even think this door even had a password, I think he was just acting as a greedy gatekeeper then rubbing your nose in it when you had no option but to cough up to get past him...

Kitchen Duty
Yep, clearly the seals found Bluto the Rhynoc as difficult as I did when I was a kid. I suffered numerous deaths at the hands of this cheating scumbag with his souped-up overpowered nuclear shark submarine. Yet when I did finally manage to destroy it using my naff little speedboat - oh, felt so good.