Hot Skitty On Wailord Action: My Thoughts

I love Pokémon games - I've been a fan since the late 90s - my awesome cousin Mark knew that I loved games and I was going away on holiday. So that I wouldn't be bored, he lent me his original Game Boy and a copy of Pokémon Blue - AND LET ME START MY OWN SAVE. How fucking amazing is THAT? Following that, I quickly invested in my own copy of the game and a Game Boy of my own and from then on I bought every new installment of the Pokémon games and was a diehard fan, up until around 2011 when the 5th generation came out. (As I've previously mentioned, I refuse to play any Pokémon game released after Pokémon HeartGold/SoulSilver.) 

I love Pokémon memes and funny comics - one of my favourites is HOT SKITTY ON WAILORD ACTION. 

For those who aren't familiar - Pokémon Gold & Silver introduced a breeding mechanic in which you could leave a pair of Pokémon at the daycare centre and if they were a compatible breeding group (and one was male, one was female or one was a Ditto), you could breed baby Pokémon that hatched from eggs. When the 3rd generation came along (Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald), a very amusing breeding pair was discovered - Skitty and Wailord. This is hilarious due to the fact that Wailord is over 40" long and Skitty is around the size of a small house kitten, about 2". 

Of course, everyone thinks that Skitty is the bitch of the huge Wailord - this being the female Skitty/male Wailord scenario - I prefer this idea:

Skitty is a dominatrix. Many men like to be dominated by women who are smaller than them, and I think that Skitty would fit this bill splendidly. I hope I've implanted terrible thoughts into your brains with my amazing MS Paint skills. :P

My Pokémon Gaming Trends

WARNING:

The following post contains excessive Photoshopping and probably isn't suitable for children. :P

As I've recently been re-playing Pokémon SoulSilver on the DS (actually on my 3DS because I've only just started to notice how bad the backlit screen was on the original DS), I've been thinking about all the previous Pokémon games I've played and noticed this weird trend.

Of course, I started with Generation 1 on the original Game Boy. I was going away on holiday and I didn't have my own handheld console to play, so my cousin Mark (who is fucking awesome), lent me his original Game Boy with a light attachment and Pokémon Blue - AND said I could START MY OWN SAVE. How epic is that?! Never to this day would I let ANYBODY even PLAY on my saves, let alone start their own and delete mine!

So, my point, I started with BLUE - which when you say the two games together, it's "Red and Blue" (which is what I mean by "the secondary title"). I picked the secondary of the two games. I also picked the fire-type starter Charmander, because fire types are awesome, Charmander in the anime was awesome and he was just always my favourite.

 

Time passes. And I mean it REALLY fucking passes. I didn't even get my first handheld until the original GBA, then I grabbed a GBASP. I did however, obtain a GAME BOY PLAYER for my GameCube from 2003, so I always had that. As I'd missed out as a child, I got a copy of Pokémon SILVER next, to play on my GB Player.

Again, notice the trend? Pokémon "Gold and Silver" - again I picked the secondary title and again I picked the fire-type starter, in this case Cyndaquil.

 

 

 

Following this, I grabbed a copy of Pokémon SAPPHIRE and picked Torchic. Also, as I was now able to choose a gender, I obviously chose a girl. The trend continues, as you can see...

Now this is where shit gets interesting - at this point in time, my best friends and I all had GBAs and we all picked up copies of FireRed and LeafGreen. Well, THEY picked FireRed. I picked LeafGreen. "FireRed and LeafGreen" - and again I picked Charmander and the female character.

Onto around 2007, I was at secondary school and I was in with a major crowd of geeks - we all had DSs and practically all of us (me included) picked up a copy of Diamond or Pearl on LAUNCH DAY in the UK. (From ASDA, by the way, who still to this day do some amazing launch day prices - except pissing Luigi's Mansion 2, which they didn't even stock until like 3 weeks after launch!).

Now this is where I broke the trend. I chose DIAMOND. The primary game. I also chose PIPLUP. The WATER type starter. (I did however keep a female character). Now this could be down to a number of reasons.

 

1) Every fucker else chose Chimchar. I could own them all.

2) Chimchar was SHITE. I still don't particularly like Gen 4 Pokémon.

3) Turtwig wasn't brilliant either.

4) Dialga LOOKED way cooler than Palkia.

5) Dialga was STEEL/dragon, Palkia was WATER/Dragon. 'Nuff said there.

6) When it comes to jewellery, I'd rather have diamonds than pearls. *

 *This statement doesn't ring true with ALL of the other titles, however. I do prefer silver jewellery to gold and sapphires to rubies, but I'd rather wear red shirts than blue ones and also wear "fire" red over "leaf" green.

I returned to the trend with the release of HEARTGOLD and SOULSILVER. The greatest remakes of any video game in history. The only thing that could steal that title would be a remake of Final Fantasy VII. (Yes, the remake of Pokémon Gold/Silver is better than LOZ: Ocarina Of Time 3D! Suck on THAT!)

Anyway. SoulSilver, secondary title. Cyndaquil, fire starter. Female character.

 

 

I REFUSE to play ANY Pokémon game released after 2011. Generation 5 can suck my cock. And Generation 6 can rot in a hole and die while being raped by the fully evolved forms of all previous generations' starters.

 

 

 

Saying that, if I ever wanted to play these games (probably if I had a lobotomy or something), fuck knows what I'd pick. I like BLACK because I only ever seem to wear black. But I like WHITE because, as Ben Yahtzee said: "I went for Pokémon White because I felt some sort of racial connection to it."

 

And as for X and Y... It would be X - because as a female, I have no Y chromosomes and being a big raving lesbian, I hate men and thus wish to have no connection to any Y chromosomes. Ha, eat my fucking wacky as shit reasoning. :D