Petty Victories: Fable Anniversary's Coin Golf & Hero Dolls

So, I pre-ordered Fable Anniversary like last July. It was due to be released in Europe on the 7th of February - I didn't get it until the 8th. RAGE. Zavvi.co.uk - get your shit together; when I pre-ordered Guitar Hero: Greatest Hits like 5 years ago, you sent me it the day BEFORE release day! And don't get me started on Play Asia; when I pre-ordered the U.S. version of Animal Crossing: Wild World, I got it like a whole two months before it came out here in the UK!

Anyway, with frequent distractions this week (i.e. Valentine's Day weekend alone with the fiancée and a chest infection earlier in the week), I've just finished it off, my play time clocking in at around 36 hours - but I did spend a lot of time pissing about, sneaking off with people to burn/shoot/kill them so I could buy out their houses, collecting everything and completing general sidequest shite.

To anyone who is an achievement whore and wants to add Fable Anniversary to their collection of 1000Gs - go for it, it's piss easy. Fable has always been an insultingly simple game, I've completed all 3 of them without ever actually DYING - but Fable II and III both have infuriating achievements that involve trading items online with other players - The Dollcatcher from Fable II and We Need Guns, Lots Of Guns from Fable III. I have neither. In both games, these little cunts of achievements are stopping me from getting the full 100%.

Gah, and in Fable II I even have a chicken suit! I've offered hundreds of people a trade: my chicken suit for the full collection of Hero dolls, but nobody wants to know. ¬_¬

So, Fable Anniversary has two missable achievements and one that requires the use of a device that can use SmartGlass - but the rest are all very easy to get. The only one that caused me to RAGE (again) was Fable Heroes. 

I don't like the pub games. (Yes, I DO have the XBLA title Fable II: Pub Games, but that was purely for bonus items and easy achievements) In order to get the full set of dolls, you need to beat scores at the pub games that are run by the tossers in the taverns, A.K.A. Gamemasters. Most of them are easy and can be made even easier with the use of the Slow Time spell - but one that FUCKED ME OFF no end was this pile of shite known as fucking COIN GOLF. 

(Yes, I know this is a screenshot from the original non-HD version, so shut up.)

Not only is it ridiculously BORING, awkward as fuck to control and is always played in a tavern which is filled to the brim with babbling fucktards who whoop and cheer simply because you're fucking sitting there - YOU HAVE TO PLAY IT TWICE. Once in Oakvale and once in Snowspire. 

Actually, the Snowspire's version isn't anywhere near as annoying. Every time I played, I only bet one coin - I didn't want to waste my money - and it was a good way to monitor how many times I needed to actually play the fucking thing. I did Snowspire's in about 30 attempts. Oakvale's took me over 100. 

Now I don't care if you can do it - judging by the reaction on various online forums, I'm not the only one who hates this fucking shite. It seems with the "HD Update" of Fable: The Lost Chapters, all Lionhead did was make the graphics a bit shinier. It's exactly the same as the original Fable, complete with the shitty 2004 controls and the unresponsive wank from your control and camera sticks. Of course, my case wasn't helped by the fact that my controller has a sticky left stick and tends to lock in place all the time - causing the coin to shoot off the table all the time without me even touching it... 

Regardless, when I did manage to get the last doll I needed, thus one of my last achievements - I took it upon myself to celebrate this small, petty victory:

Petty Niggles: Borderlands 2's Shitty Snow Effects

I loved the original Borderlands - and it had been a while since I treated myself to a new game, so I invested in a copy of Borderlands 2. Yes, I know I'm almost 2 years late, but listen to me for a minute. 

When Borderlands 2 came out in the UK, during launch week and for the first few months, it was around £30-£39.99 in shops and online. I waited and for virtually the same price, I bought the Deluxe Vault Hunter's Edition (because I love collectors editions and all the random goodies they come packaged with) and the season pass, which contains all 4 DLC campaigns. The game was £26 and the season pass was £19.99. So for just over the original retail price - I've gotten the game, all of the bonus goodies (including the amazing Marcus bobblehead) and all 4 DLC packs. And all I had to do was wait 2 years. :P

Seriously - when most games come out, their collector's editions range from £80 to like £150 - wait a few years and you can get them from £10-£50 (depending on the game, of course - Duke Nukem Forever's limited edition is only £12 now, while Fallout: New Vegas is still around £60) I'm considering buying some of the limited editions when I get some money - just for the lovely boxes, art books and bonus crap - even if I already have the standard game (i.e. Duke Nukem Forever, Alan Wake, Fable III etc.)

Anyway - after waiting like 4 hours for the game and all of the DLC packs to bloody install, I've been playing it non-stop. I love it, it's awesome. So far, I wouldn't say it's AS immersive as the original, but I can sense change in the air. Or should I say, the snow.

Yes, the snow. It's getting on my nerves. Not because of the atmosphere, or the sound effects or anything like that. But because of THIS:

Why is the fucking snow hitting the screen?! Does REAL snow hit you in the EYES? No, it fucking doesn't! Even if you wear glasses, like I do - snow doesn't plaster itself all up in your eyeballs. And snow that falls as slowly and gently as the snow in Borderlands 2 certainly doesn't! You'd need to be standing in a serious blizzard with a motorbike helmet on! And how many of the four starting character actually wear something over their face/eyes? ONE. It's Zero. Who I am NOT playing as! I'm playing as the Siren character, Maya (because I played as Lilith in Borderlands 1 and loved the Siren's ability). She doesn't wear ANYTHING on her head!

You would think by now, with video games becoming more realistic and whatnot - they'd iron out this sort of shit. But no. Even sometimes in games like Fallout 3/New Vegas when the screen gets covered in blood, I think it's a bit too much - but you seriously need to be getting hit in the face, get a crippling blow to the head or be popping out of your mam's fanny before the screen really gets blurry and bloodied up. 

Unless your character wears glasses or a helmet - rain/snow/blood/etc should NOT be hitting the goddamn screen!