Petty Victories: Fable Anniversary's Coin Golf & Hero Dolls

So, I pre-ordered Fable Anniversary like last July. It was due to be released in Europe on the 7th of February - I didn't get it until the 8th. RAGE. Zavvi.co.uk - get your shit together; when I pre-ordered Guitar Hero: Greatest Hits like 5 years ago, you sent me it the day BEFORE release day! And don't get me started on Play Asia; when I pre-ordered the U.S. version of Animal Crossing: Wild World, I got it like a whole two months before it came out here in the UK!

Anyway, with frequent distractions this week (i.e. Valentine's Day weekend alone with the fiancée and a chest infection earlier in the week), I've just finished it off, my play time clocking in at around 36 hours - but I did spend a lot of time pissing about, sneaking off with people to burn/shoot/kill them so I could buy out their houses, collecting everything and completing general sidequest shite.

To anyone who is an achievement whore and wants to add Fable Anniversary to their collection of 1000Gs - go for it, it's piss easy. Fable has always been an insultingly simple game, I've completed all 3 of them without ever actually DYING - but Fable II and III both have infuriating achievements that involve trading items online with other players - The Dollcatcher from Fable II and We Need Guns, Lots Of Guns from Fable III. I have neither. In both games, these little cunts of achievements are stopping me from getting the full 100%.

Gah, and in Fable II I even have a chicken suit! I've offered hundreds of people a trade: my chicken suit for the full collection of Hero dolls, but nobody wants to know. ¬_¬

So, Fable Anniversary has two missable achievements and one that requires the use of a device that can use SmartGlass - but the rest are all very easy to get. The only one that caused me to RAGE (again) was Fable Heroes. 

I don't like the pub games. (Yes, I DO have the XBLA title Fable II: Pub Games, but that was purely for bonus items and easy achievements) In order to get the full set of dolls, you need to beat scores at the pub games that are run by the tossers in the taverns, A.K.A. Gamemasters. Most of them are easy and can be made even easier with the use of the Slow Time spell - but one that FUCKED ME OFF no end was this pile of shite known as fucking COIN GOLF. 

(Yes, I know this is a screenshot from the original non-HD version, so shut up.)

Not only is it ridiculously BORING, awkward as fuck to control and is always played in a tavern which is filled to the brim with babbling fucktards who whoop and cheer simply because you're fucking sitting there - YOU HAVE TO PLAY IT TWICE. Once in Oakvale and once in Snowspire. 

Actually, the Snowspire's version isn't anywhere near as annoying. Every time I played, I only bet one coin - I didn't want to waste my money - and it was a good way to monitor how many times I needed to actually play the fucking thing. I did Snowspire's in about 30 attempts. Oakvale's took me over 100. 

Now I don't care if you can do it - judging by the reaction on various online forums, I'm not the only one who hates this fucking shite. It seems with the "HD Update" of Fable: The Lost Chapters, all Lionhead did was make the graphics a bit shinier. It's exactly the same as the original Fable, complete with the shitty 2004 controls and the unresponsive wank from your control and camera sticks. Of course, my case wasn't helped by the fact that my controller has a sticky left stick and tends to lock in place all the time - causing the coin to shoot off the table all the time without me even touching it... 

Regardless, when I did manage to get the last doll I needed, thus one of my last achievements - I took it upon myself to celebrate this small, petty victory: