Glitchfest: Oblivion's Floating Bush

You're probably sick of me going on about glitches in Bethesda games - but there's just so many of them! Here's a challenge for you - play through a Bethesda game and see how long you last before you encounter a glitch - choose your difficulty level:

Fallout 3 - Easy

Oblivion - Medium

Fallout: New Vegas - Hard

Skyrim - Very Hard

Anyway...

While playing through Oblivion, I found a random bush out in the middle of the countryside, floating. I couldn't get it to move either - seeing as how your characters just pass through bushes when you walk into them. As the Oblivion map is so enormous, I never encountered this bush again - but I bet it's still there... floating.

Resident Evil SCENTED CANDLE?!

So, Resident Evil 7 is coming out. And I actually like the look of this one - they're finally bringing back the claustrophobic old mansion setting of the original games rather than wide open peasant villages and boring cruise liners. The special edition goodies also look pretty nice - though notice how the European “finger” USB actually looks like a finger rather than a piece of charred male genitalia.

Anyway, while mooching around Amazon the other day, I came across this

Yes; a Resident Evil 4D SCENTED CANDLE.

Firstly, “4D” is a misnomer, as the fourth dimension deals with time - if anything it's a 3D candle - but I'd have just called it an immersive candle or a VR candle - because what this candle is designed to do is enhance the experience of playing Resident Evil 4 using a VR headset by making your room smell like the mansion.

...A scented candle that smells like a survival horror game. Right.

When I first read that, several ideas came to mind about what Resident Evil could possibly smell like. Dust? Mildew? Rotting flesh?

Apparently it smells like blood and timber. Lovely, just what everyone wants their living room to smell like - an accident at an abandoned logging mill.

And I'm sure our girlfriends/fiancees/wives won't be too pleased about it - I know mine isn't! I wanted to pre-order one to review and Shelly won't let me. Amusing really, since all she does is fill our house with incense and scented candles herself, but I digress.

I agree it would probably make the game more immersive whilst playing with a VR headset, but in theory, so would covering yourself in Brussels Pate and allowing several rabid dogs to bite your testicles.

But it got me thinking about something else; what other games could employ this scented candle idea? What other games would actually smell pretty damn good if condensed down into candle form?

Mmmm, hot elixir soup!

Awesome, greasy burgers!

Lush lawns, flowers and various animal dung.

Ground meat and freshly waxed floors.

200 year old freeze dried macaroni cheese and scorched wasteland?

Hmmm, blood and timber… hang on.

How about you? Got any ideas for other games that could smell good in candle form? How about other horror/gore games that could also work with the blood and timber Resident Evil candle?

Skyrim - The "Sexy Lockpick" Mod?!

Skyrim is an amazing game - that's something 99% of humanity can agree on. And modded Skyrim is even better. Vanilla Skyrim only has so much to offer - and I like it so much I want it to last as long as possible - hence why I use a lot of different mods.

As far as mods go, we can divide them into several specific categories.

• Immersion mods (mods that increase the overall immersion of Skyrim) (e.g. Frostfall)
• Item mods (Mods that add new recipes, weapons and collectables) (e.g. Ingredients of Tamriel)
• Sound and graphics mods (mods that improve the graphics and ambient sounds of Skyrim) (e.g. Enhanced Blood Textures)
• Quest mods (mods that add new quests) (e.g. Helgen Reborn)
• House mods (mods that add new player homes) (e.g. Haven Bag)
• World mods (mods that add whole new world's to explore) (e.g. Falskaar)
• Mechanics mods (mods that alter Skyrim’s mechanics) (e.g. Hunterborn)
• Stupid mods 

And the stupid mods are aplenty - naked character mods, silly weapons mods, downright out of place mods - and the most ridiculous, pointless and stupid mod I've ever found. 

The sexy Lockpick mod.

As you can see; this mod alters the standard Lockpick mini game - changing the keyhole into a woman's vagina and anus. As you do.

What's even weirder is the fact she will orgasm upon success and scream in pain when you fail. What the actual fuck.

If you ever find someone using this mod - smash their PC, tie them up and lock them in a dark cupboard for several days to reflect upon their life choices.

At least change the standard Lockpick tools into gigantic purple dildos. Jeez, some people.

What My Niece Called Pokémon Toys

Remember when I unboxed those fake Chinese Pokémon toys last month?

Well, when my 3-year-old niece was round at my house, I let her play with them - and just out of curiosity I asked her what she would call them. Her answers were awesome - I love the imagination of a little kid! In some cases, she wasn't wrong, either.

Shroomish - "Grumpy Flower"

Cancnea - "Happy Cactus"

Simsage - "Monkey on Fire"

Nidorino - "Flying Hippo"

Spinda - "Silly Bear"

Exploud - "Scary Big Mouth Monster"

Latios - "Blue Bird"

Liepard - "Spotty Evil Cat"

Magcargo - "Funny Snail"

Manaphy - "Green Baby"

Golbat - "Big Bat Vampire"

Glitchfest: The Sims 3 - Weird Stretched-Out Children

When I play The Sims 3, I hate controlling large households of Sims - I prefer to play with a household of one, so I can focus all my attention on them without having to juggle tons of commands at once. The only problem with this is I like to make a Sim of myself - and obviously, I like my Sim to woohoo with a Sim of Shelly. See how faithful I am - I don't even like a virtual representation of me to cheat on a virtual representation of her. :)

Anyway, because I opt for the one Sim approach, my Sim is usually celibate - so I did some research to see if it was possible for CPU-controlled Sims to share a house with human-controlled ones. Long story short - yes, but it's awkward to set up and temperamental as hell.

Basically, you have to use a lot of console commands and the Sim had to start as a toddler, then age up to whatever life stage you wanted them to be - and you have very little control over their clothes/hairstyle/traits etc.

HOWEVER - after aging up child 'Shelly' Sim to a teenager, THIS happened:

Fuck it, she can just have a wank. :)