Pokémon Jokémon!

Allow me to share with you 40 stupid Pokémon-related jokes and puns...  These "jokes" were originally published on my FanFiction.net account in 2006. To be honest, they weren't really funny then either. :)

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What do you call a Pokémon with a cold?
- Pika-a-choo!

What is a bug Pokémon's favourite game?
- Noughts and Heracrosses!

What do you get if you cross the number 5 with a Mankey?
- A PRIME-Ape!

What do you call a Pokémon knocking at your door?
- A Rat-a-tata!

What do you call a Pokémon in a hamburger?
- A Relish-canth!

What do you call a Pokémon on a woolly hat?
- An Aipom-pom!

What do you call the Pokémon Trainer who just upset a Charizard?
- Ash!

What do you call a Pokémon eating bubblegum?
- Pika-chew!

What happened to the Nidorino who was scared of its huge opponent?
- It Nido-ran away!

What do you call the Pokémon who forgot to shave?
- Clef-hairy!

Why couldn't the Butterfree go to the dance?
- It was a Veno-moth ball!

What happened to the Machop who tried to swallow a whole Geodude?
- It Machoked!

Why did the Krabby wear a crown?
- It wanted to be KING-ler!

What do you give a constipated Pokémon?
- A Snorlax-ative!

What's a grass Pokémon's favourite pastime?
- Seedot-to-dot!

What do you call a Loudred with no ears?
- Anything you like, it can't hear you!

What do you get if you put a parrot in a washing machine?
- A Poli-whirl!

What do you get if you cross a witch with a Regice?
- A cold spell!

What do you call a just married Spinirak and Ariados?
- Newly-webs!

Why was the Caterpie thrown out of the forest?
- He was a litter-bug!

Where do Geodudes and Gravelers go for entertainment?
- To rock concerts!

Why did the Magnemite act stupid?
- He had a screw loose!

What do you call a stupid Miltank?
- A silly moo!

A Snorlax stepped on the 'speak-your-weight' machine; what did it say?
- "One at a time please."

What happened to the Exeggutor who misbehaved at school?
- It was egg-spelled!

What did the neurotic Grumpig say to its Trainer?
- "You take me for grunted."

What do you get if you cross a Miltank with a Numel?
- Lumpy milkshakes!

What do you get if you cross a Roselia with a sheep-dog?
- Collie-flowers!

How do you get a Gastly to lay flat?
- Use a spirit-level!

What do you call a sad Pokémon?
- Pika-blue!

How does a Haunter scare electric Pokémon?
- "Pika-BOO!"

Which Pokémon is related to E.T?
- E.V!

What do you call a Pokémon train?
- A Pika-choo-choo!

Why doesn't Misty like to eat at the Gloom's restaurant?
- Because they always serve an Odd-dish!

Why did Pikachu go to the bathroom?
- He need to Pi-chu!

That Bulbasaur is so dirty, the only time he cleans his ears is when he eats watermelon!

A Snorlax walks into an ice-cream parlour and orders two slices of apple pie, with four scoops of ice-cream, covered in lashings of strawberry sauce and piles of chopped nuts. "Would you like a cherry on the top?" asks the waitress. "No thanks." says Snorlax, "I'm on a diet!"

Trainer: "Nurse Joy, Nurse Joy! I think I'm a Pokémon!"
Joy: "What a load of Poké-balls!"

Trainer: "Waiter, waiter, there's a dead Volbeat in my soup!"
Waiter: "That's right sir, Volbeat aren't very good swimmers."

And finally, the worst Pokémon joke of all:
How do you get a thousand Pikachu on a bus?
- Pokémon!

Unboxing: Japanese Pokémon Candy

Today I'm going to show you a pair of Pokémon candy/snacks I received from Japan! One is a box of "milk candy," and the other is a Kinder-Surprise style chocolate egg.

Firstly, I had a box of "milk candy." The packaging on this was just amazing - styled after a Master Ball, which even opened up like one once the seal had been broken!

On the inside of the lid, there was a little maze-style puzzle. Under the bag of snacks, I found a collectible sticker - holographic too! The one I got was Mega Blaziken - and it came with some stats on the back - naturally I have no clue what it says, as I don't speak or read Japanese!

To be honest; the snacks themselves were a little disappointing. They tasted like Golden Nuggets cereal that someone had left open for several months. They had a slight crunch to them, but once they were wet in your mouth, they quickly disintegrated into nothing.

Here's some close-ups of the packaging:

(Click to enlarge!)

Front view of the package

Back view of the package - including a sample of the stickers that are available to collect

Side views of the packaging

The puzzle printed on the inside of the packaging

Sticker and packaging that was found inside

Front and back of collectable sticker

Inner bag

Close-ups of the snacks

Next, I had a chocolate surprise egg. It was rather a small box - and didn't come with any bonus goodies inside, but of course, the main prize was inside the chocolate egg itself!

The chocolate was pretty good, a mixture of sweet and creamy and yet it had a mildness to it - like it was a candy specifically made for children. Well duh. :)

The figure inside, according to my Twitter followers is Zygarde 10% Forme. It was fairly simple to build and comes with a nice display stand - which personally I don't think it needs, as it can stand on its own feet - but perhaps other figurines in the set can't.

I'm feeling a little hacked off, as one of the available figures was ESPEON - my FAVOURITE Pokémon - but noooo, I couldn't get that one, could I?!

Here's some close-ups of the packaging:

(Click to enlarge!)

Front view of the packaging

Side views of the packaging

Top view of the packaging

Back of the packaging - lots of Japanese text!

The foil wrapper from the egg itself

Close-up of the figurine

Side views of the figurine

The assembly instructions and list of other available figurines

And finally, here's my full unboxing video:

Hilarious Chinese Fake Lego - Pokémon & Super Mario

I love funny products that are fake, knock-offs or bad foreign imitations. eBay is absolutely full of this stuff, if you know where to look. My answer to that is look for sellers from China.

I've recently been trawling through eBay to find some new interesting things for my unboxing videos. Now I'm getting some ad revenue, I can afford to blow it on some random crap. During one eBay session, I managed to find TWO sets of fake Chinese Lego products, one Pokémon-themed, the other Mario-themed. Would you like to see them?

They're so badly designed and haphazardly assembled, I can't stop laughing all the way through this video:



And here's a step-by-step guide to building the ridiculous fake Lego Mario:

Pokémon Yellow Nuzlocke Challenge: Part 2

After obtaining the Boulderbadge, I set off for Mt. Moon. On the way along Route 4, I kicked the arses of all the dopey junior trainers, especially those who felt the need to talk about shorts. 

When in the Pokémon Centre, I took up the offer to buy a Magikarp for $500, and names him LEVIATHAN; because I'm hoping to raise him into an epic Gyrados. I went back into the tall grass to train him and caught a level 8 Spearow, who I nicknamed SPUGGY. (Spuggy is a colloquialism where I live for sparrows. :D) - He got sent to Box 1 in the PC.

Barley 5 steps into Mt. Moon, I find a level 10 Geodude and promptly use Happy to catch him. I name him CHUNKY. Unfortunatley this is where I need to say goodbye to Happy. He's been useful so far, but now I'm replacing him with Chunky. I went back to the Pokémon Centre and swapped Happy for my new Chunky.

Going through Mt. Moon, beating the endless trainers and poxy wild Zubats - Pinpoint reaches level 16 and evolves! Time to find a Moon Stone...

Exploring the caves, I find a number of items, including a TM and TWO Moon Stones (one is hidden, by the way), so Pinpoint is now a fully evolved Nidoking. Awesome.

Then I started to find the Team Rocket grunts and... I got my first DEATH. CHEWY DIED! My starter Pokémon no less! 

R.I.P. CHEWY. :(

On the way out of Mt. Moon, I picked up the Helix Fossil and beat Jessie and James. I suppose Pokémon Yellow was trying to appeal to the fans of the anime who had never played Red or Blue - but it's going to be really weird playing through the rest of the game without a goddamn Pikachu! Nah, not really, every time I played through Yellow as a kid I always boxed the little fucker; he's useless and even refuses to evolve!

The state of my team after leaving Mt. Moon

I reached Cerulean City, healed up, did the general tasks and chit-chat around town. As I suspected earlier though, you can't release your stupid Pikachu, so I put him in Box 12. Let us forget about him. He's in a coma, shall we say.

I left Spuggy in Box 1 with Happy; I'd rather see what I can find on the next route, as I already have my bird Pokémon, Guano. And then I headed off for Nugget Bridge before facing Misty.

On Nugget Bridge, I encounter Blue again and make short work of his shitty team; almost all normal-types with Pinpoint and his Double Kick. I can already see Pinpoint ending up in my final team... 

Anyway, I beat the trainers on Nugget Bridge, then grab my lovely free Charmander from the NPC in the corner of Route 25 - I name him WHOOP-ASS. Then I wander in the tall grass and catch myself a Bellsprout. I name it WEEDKILLER, and he goes to the PC box. On the way to visit Bill, I battle all the random NPCs and grind some more levels in the tall grass; both Whoop-Ass and Guano evolve at level 16 and Rattfratz evolves at level 20.

Before fighting Misty, I take a walk around on Route 5; catch myself a level 3 Jigglypuff, name her PUFFY, unintentive, I know. 

I also drop off Leviathan at the Daycare centre for a bit - fuck me, levelling up a Magikarp is like pulling teeth... Then I go to Cerulean Gym and kick some arse - without any type advantages!

My current team

TEAM: 5

STORAGE: 4 

DEAD: 1

CURRENT TEAM:

TL;DR:

PURCHASED - Magikarp, level 5, LEVIATHAN

ROUTE 4 - Spearow, level 10, SPUGGY

MT. MOON - Geodude, level 10, CHUNKY

CHEWY DIED! - killed by Rocket's level 13 Rattata

GIFT - Charmander, level 10, WHOOP-ASS

ROUTE 25 - Bellsprout, level 12, WEEDKILLER

ROUTE 5 - Jigglypuff, level 3, PUFFY

[Part 1] [Part 3]