Why I Create Content

In this day and age of multi-millionaire millennials who have made all of their money using the Internet, garnering hundreds of thousands and often millions of views, likes, subscribers and whatnot - it can see somewhat baffling and even delusional when somebody says they create content or make YouTube videos for fun or as a hobby. No doubt the listener is thinking "yeah right, you just want to be the next [fill-in-the-blank]" or "you just want to make ad revenue." 

I discovered YouTube when it was still in its infancy - the year 2006 to be precise. Around this time vloggers were all the rage - the group who I followed had very small followings and seldom hit 4-figure viewcounts - yet they were still idolised. Having smaller audiences also meant that they gave a shit about you. This was when the video response system still existed - so we could challenge each other to "name 10 fun facts about yourself" or "tell a funny story about school" - and under everybody's videos there would be pages and pages of these video responses. It was pretty cool. Yes, some people did make a lot of money during this era - one that immediately springs to mind is Brookers - but compared to the "YouTube stars" of today, she was fairly small-time.

Regardless, whether or not you believe me or not - I create content as a hobby. I write blogs and make videos for fun. I started this blog back in 2013 as a creative outlet. I wrote blogs for myself. I wrote about things *I* cared about. Then when I moved onto making videos I discussed content *I* liked, did unboxings of products *I* wanted to show off - etc. And to this day that is still true. If I didn't enjoy doing what I do, I'd stop doing it. If a certain aspect of content creation became boring or frustrating to me to the point where I didn't look forward to doing it - I'd stop doing it.

So why do I post it online? If I make what I make for myself, why publish it?
The same question could be asked of a person who plays a musical instrument and sends a video to their friend. An artist or sculptor who creates a piece and displays it in their home. A chef who bakes a cake and then offers it around - it's exactly the same thing. I am proud of what I produce and thus I want to share it with other people who may also be interested in the same things I am. Shock horror, an easy way to make friends is to share common interests and start meaningful discussions. The point is, whether I get one view or one thousand views - I made that *thing* for myself initially - the fact that other people were interested in it and/or enjoyed it is a bonus.

So why do you monetise? Why run ads? Why have a Patreon?
So you're telling me you wouldn't like to get a little bit of money for doing something you like doing? You'd rather sell off hours of your life doing some bullshit menial job for somebody else? I don't make a *lot* - but the amount I make is irrelevant and of little consequence. Everything I make is fed back directly into my content somewhere along the line. I buy games to review, products to unbox, gunge powder to mix and throw over myself - and of course sometimes fund larger things that are essential to content creation - a new camera, a green screen etc. So you're telling me if somebody can paint a portrait and go on to sell it for £50 that they then spend on more paints and canvasses, they shouldn't do it?

You're wasting your time, you're not learning anything or doing anything meaningful.
Au contraire dear - in the process of content creation I've learned many things - quite a few being transferable skills that helped me get actual paid employment. Did you know that *this* blog was included in a portfolio that secured me an SEO copywriting job and social media manager position? From that job came another - writing content for websites? Then I got my seasonal work that I've done for 3 years in a row - an essential skill for that job? Knowing how to use Photoshop. I'm self taught in Photoshop and keep my skills honed making thumbnails (mainly), banners, buttons and other fun things.

Here is a little list of computer programs, technical things and personal skills I've learned or improved on whilst working on my content creation:

• Self confidence
• Speaking aloud
• Creative thinking
• Problem solving
• Adobe Photoshop
• Adobe Premiere
• WavePad sound studio
• SEO
• Social media management
• General written communication skills
• Video camera technical skills
• Screenwriting & film directing

Now I don't know about you - but they seem like pretty useful things for someone who is interested in working in media/IT/communications roles to me.

But negativity contributes to worsening mental health!

Yes, while that may be true - having a creative project I can use to occupy myself on a day-to-day basis is more beneficial to me. I get to spend time writing and talking about subjects that interest me, learn new skills and techniques constantly and keep my current ones up-to-date and I've met a lot of cool people who I can chat with, exchange ideas or just spam with cute cat pictures. I don't often get negative comments, but those I do, I reply back with a superior air or just counter-troll them. They are the vast minority and are more of an annoyance than anything. They're like having a mosquito bite on your arse. Kinda annoying, but not life threatening - and will eventually go away if ignored.

If you have anxiety, how can you post videos of yourself online?

Ah, I get this one a lot. The answer is simple. I'm in control. Streaming on the other hand is far harder to control than edited and scheduled videos. Firstly, I can script videos. I can plan, I can use cue cards or refer to some sort of script. I can edit. If I go wrong or record something I don't want to share - use that good ol' razorblade tool and chop it off! I can re-record. If it goes wrong, I can always try it again another time. And if in the end I'm not happy with whatever I've done - I just don't post it. It's simple. I can present myself online exactly how I want people to see me. Whereas in day-to-day life, I can't script. I can't edit. I can't re-do over a social situation if I fuck it up. Now do you get it?

But you only have ____ subscribers/views/likes - hur hur why bother?

See above. I make content for myself. Numbers are irrelevant. Plus, the way I see it - 50 views is 50 views. Imagine 50 physical people. They wouldn't all fit in my kitchen, that's for certain. Also, how many people are interested in the mundane shit you post dear? Yeah, I thought so. Also, consider this. Every successful creator, be they an artist/writer/musician/etc started somewhere. They didn't just go multi-platinum or Turner art prize overnight. Everybody started out small, for the most part - many had to struggle, work hard and deal with their own failures, shortcomings and lack of recognition. Only a few manage to achieve stardom - but what ignoramuses like you fail to realise is that not everybody *wants* to be fucking famous! I know I certainly don't. I've never been recognised by someone in person - and the day that happens I'll probably run away and cry because I'm ridiculously shy off-camera. Plus - celebrities are not role models. They're just people. They have all had diarrhoea at some point in their life.

You're wasting your time/money/effort!

Regardless of if I am or not - which I feel I'm not - how does that affect you? It's my time. It's my effort. It's my money. I fail to see how I spend *my* time affects you. I'd rather sit and create than sit and blandly consume. I want to watch/read/see things that are specific to me - and being a bit of an oddball, not much actually exists - so I decided to make it myself!

So in conclusion... Creating content has:

• Improved my overall self image and self confidence
• Allowed me to be creative and try out new and exciting things
• Amuse and entertain other people with my nonsense
• Make a little bit of cash that can be fed back into the blog/channel/etc
• Learn new skills and improve on ones I already had
• Make new friends and chat with cool like-minded people online
• Spend my time doing something meaningful that I enjoy instead of sitting around bored and allowing the negative thoughts to take hold

As I personally enjoy what I do - if anybody else is inspired or has been thinking about content creation and is still dithering about it - I recommend you at least try it. After all, it's the age-old adage that you don't know what you enjoy until you try it - and believe me, there's no greater satisfaction than seeing your vision come to life - seeing your idea blossom from notes into a finished product. And if you're still jaded and bitter and cynical and who hates the idea of anybody enjoying themselves, go back to your sad, boring, lonely and pathetic existence.

Trick Or Treat (Original Short Story)

The following is a little story I wrote last year around Hallowe'en time - involving Cat Chaos and Charm Agony in a typical scenario. I've never published this anywhere before now - and to jazz it up a bit, I've illustrated it with some stills from my videos where Charm gets messed up. Perhaps one day I'll reenact this story for a video... :)

-----

Charm sneered, looking down at the group of excited children gathered round her. Of course, she was never one to miss out on a party - but she hadn't realised that the guy she had her eye on was throwing a Halloween party for his kid brother Sam.

“Come and play with us, Catherine!” Sam smiled, pointing to a game of bobbing for apples set up on the other side of the room.

“Uh, no.” Charm sighed, tossing her hair impatiently. “I don't play little kids games like that.”

Sam looked sad, his goofy clown make up doing nothing to hide his crestfallen expression.

“I like your dress, Catherine…” said Sally, somewhat shyly. She was dressed in a cute Anna from Frozen dress, her hair done up in a long braid.

“Like, of course you do, it's just like yours, except better.” Charm snapped.

“Oh look Timmy, a princess!” called Simon, who was holding his wriggling kid brother in his arms. Timmy was wearing a cute frog onesie, his face painted green. “You know, if you kiss a princess, you'll turn into a handsome prince.”

“Get lost.” Charm growled, taking a step backwards away from the drooling toddler, his face already sticky with various candy.

Sam bobbed back up again, holding a wooden pail. Inside was a whole bunch of chocolate bars. “Take one…” he said, somewhat reluctantly. “One of them has a prize in it.”

Charm held the foil-wrapped chocolate bar in her hand. Everybody at the Halloween party had been given one - rumour had it that one of them contained a special golden ticket, that would award the lucky winner with a fabulous prize. The wrapper simply read “TRICK OR TREAT” in large red letters, stylised to look like oozing blood.

Several of the other costumed partygoers had unwrapped their candy and to their disappointment, hadn't found a golden ticket inside. A few of the younger children, dressed as pirates or witches had cried, pouted and stamped their feet in a tantrum.

Charm smiled and slowly tore open one end of the chocolate. And sure enough, shimmering under the disco lighting, was a golden ticket. She pulled it out, laughing triumphantly. 

“I've won!”

She smirked smugly, waving her prize tauntingly at the children and younger partygoers before taking a large, triumphant bite of the chocolate bar. She chewed it thoughtfully, enjoying the rich and creamy flavour dancing on her tongue. 

Then came another flavour. A flavour that wasn't quite right. She looked down at her ticket - which was now a hazy blur of red and gold in her hand. The glowering faces of the other partygoers melted and warped into one. The room spun, the loud music began to slow and sound distorted. Her mouth became dry. Her head felt light. Her legs shook and crumpled beneath her. And then she hit the floor with a loud thud and everything fell black and silent.

-----

Groggily, she opened her eyes, and found to her bewilderment, she had no idea where she was. All she could see was a darkened room with concrete walls and floor. She tried to turn her head, but found she was unable to move. Her head and both wrists were clamped firmly in place between two thick slats of wood. She tried to kick her legs, but they too were restrained - thick swatches of duct tape bound both her legs to the chair she was sitting in. As a last resort, she opened her mouth to cry for help, but her voice was muffled by another piece of duct tape pressed firmly over her lips.

Her head felt like it had been filled with cotton wool. There was a loud buzzing sound in her ears. She couldn't remember a thing. 

After waiting for what seemed like hours, she heard a sound from behind her - the ominous creaking of a door being slowly opened. This was followed by steady thudding of a pair of heavy boots walking towards her. She gasped in terror, feeling a cold sweat trickling down her spine, a lump catching in her throat. She squeezed her eyes shut, a few tears seeping through her closed lids as she trembled in fear.

Then came the voice.
“Hello Charm.”

She knew that voice. Instantly she opened her eyes, her tears suddenly being dried with a mix of relief and anger. Glinting green eyes, set in a face of thick black fur. Pointed ears, long whiskers and glittering fangs. Cat Chaos.

He took hold of the corner of the duct tape covering her mouth and yanked. She let out an involuntary shriek as it ripped off her top layer of skin.
“Cat Chaos! What the hell is this?!” she hissed, glaring straight into his mischievous eyes.

“You found the golden ticket Charm, I'm here to give you your prize, of course!” he said, flashing a toothy grin.

“I don't want a prize,” Charm mumbled, trying in vain to free herself from the restraints - which she had just realised was a set of medieval pillory stocks. “I want to go home. Let me go, or I'll… I'll scream!”

Cat Chaos tutted. “Oh Charm, why don't you trust me?”

“You rigged those tickets!” Charm cried, jerking her legs back and forth, attempting to break the tape that bound her legs. “Let me go! Let me go!”

“Oh Charm, you cut me so,” said Cat Chaos, clutching his chest as if she'd just stabbed him with an icicle. “Anyway, it's Halloween! ...what's your costume supposed to be, anyway?”

Charm frowned at him. She was wearing a ridiculous pink dress made of satin frills and white lace. On her head was balanced a silver tiara. “I'm a princess!”

“Of course you are,” Cat Chaos smiled. “And such a pretty… clean… dress. Now… trick or treat?”

As he said this, he reached out a paw and flicked on the lights. The darkened room was immediately illuminated - and to Charm’s horror, standing behind him was a long table, covered with a tablecloth.

This table was groaning under the weight of dozens of buckets, multicoloured gunge dripping down their sides, bowls and containers of messy, sloppy and sticky foodstuffs and endless rows of pies, their foil cases overflowing oozy cream.

-----

Charm gulped, looking up at Cat Chaos, who was towering over her, an impressively large cream pie balanced on the palm of each paw.

“Please…” she begged, “Please don't… I'll… I'll do anything…”

Charm’s pleas were all in vain. Cat Chaos drew back his arm and thrust a pie right into her face. She flinched, crying out in despair as she was completely splattered from forehead to chin with globs of thick cream and streaks of custard.

The second pie was brought down hard onto the top of her head, so she was wearing the tin like a hat. Slabs of pastry crumbled and fell down her shoulders, rivulets of fruit and syrup oozed down the sides of her head and dripped from the end of her nose.

“Urgh!” she exclaimed, shaking her head side to side to rid herself of the tin hat. “Stop it! Stop it! I hate this! It's not fair, it's not-”

Her words were quickly silenced by a torrent of cold custard cascading over her. Her wailing mouth was rapidly filled to the brim so she gurgled furiously in protest. Cat Chaos roared with laughter, holding the now-empty bucket. Through the gloopy yellow mess, Charm was glaring daggers at him.

“Damn it!” she cried, “Let me go! Please! Somebody help!”

Cat Chaos tutted again, shaking his head pityingly. “Oh Charm, nobody is going to come… You and I are going to have so much fun. You wouldn't play nice games with Sam and his friends, so you're going to play with me instead.”

Charm wailed and whimpered as Cat Chaos proceeded to pour out a whole gallon of syrup over her head - sticky rivers slopping all over her hair, dripping slowly from the ends of her bunches.

“Ew…” Charm moaned, feeling uncomfortably sticky and moist around her neck and chest as the syrup began to ooze down into her dress.

Next, Cat Chaos produced an overflowing bucket of cold baked beans. Charm winced and squeezed her eyes tightly shut, expecting to get drenched in tomato slop - but he had other plans. He slunk around behind her and whipped up her dress, revealing a pair of ludicrous, billowing pink satin bloomers. 

Charm shrieked indignantly. “Hey! Get your filthy paws-”

“Off your silky drawers?” Cat Chaos cackled, yanking her waistband back and dumping the whole bucket down her underpants.

Charm screamed, cold beans squelching between her butt cheeks, trickling down her thighs and squirming their way into even more delicate areas.

“Ew, ew, ew!” she whimpered, wriggling uncomfortably, her face screwed up in disgust. “Get them out! Get them out!”

Cat Chaos let go of her waistband, letting it go with a loud snap, before returning to the long table.

Charm tried pleading with him again, “Oh please!” she begged, her voice high and whiny, “Let me go… I'll do *anything!*”

Cat Chaos laughed, delivering another messy pie straight into her face. This one was blueberry, and her face was now dripping huge slabs of soggy pastry and gooey purple jam.

He held up another bucket, level with his chest, so it's trajectory was a few inches above Charm’s head.
“Look up.” he ordered.

Charm shook her head, deliberately lowering her head so she looked at the floor.

“Look up.” he repeated.

“No!” Charm yelled, gritting her teeth together. “I'm not doing anything you say!”

Cat Chaos put the bucket down and walked ominously back to behind Charm. He took ahold of her soggy waistband and gave it a hard tug - yanking her underwear right up to her mid back. Charm squealed, a mixture of pain at the eye-watering wedgie and disgust at the beans squishing and squelching further into unmentionable places.

“Are you going to do as you're told?” he asked, sniggering.

“...Yes!” Charm wailed, trying to wriggle free. “I'll do it, just stop! Please…!”

“That's a good girl,” said Cat Chaos, retrieving his bucket. “Now, look up.”

Charm whimpered, trembling as she slowly and nervously raised her head, her eyes squeezed tightly shut as she bit hard on her lip.

Cat Chaos laughed heartily as he slowly tilted his bucket - allowing thick slops of cold, lumpy gunge to fall and splat hard against her terrified face at point-blank range. Charm flinched and groaned as each glob splattered against her - her whole face quickly buried under an opaque mask of viscous goop. 

“You know,” Cat Chaos mused, as he put the bucket down and reached for another, “Red is really your colour.”

Charm replied with a vague growl from the back of her throat, which sounded like bad swear words mixed with saliva.

“Pretty girls like you shouldn't use words like that.” Cat Chaos tutted, lifting the next bucket high above her head before flipping it over and pushing it down over her head like he was making a sandcastle.

Charm moaned in despair as she was doused in a disgusting mixture of curry sauce and tinned sardines. From underneath the bucket, she began to retch and gag at the appalling smell.

“Phew, what crawled in there and died?” Cat Chaos laughed - lifting off the bucket with a flourish.

“Oh God, oh God, I'm gonna puke…” Charm mumbled, her face turning a light shade of green under all the mess. 

Cat Chaos was unperturbed by this confession, and returned to the table to grab more ammunition.

“Sorry Charm, you can't be excused from this class…” he smiled, peeling away the sticky collar of her dress and pouring a large barrel of half-melted ice cream down her back. 

The sudden temperature change seemed to make Charm forget her nausea and she let out an ear-piercing shriek of shock. She gasped and panted, her teeth chattering, her knees knocking together.

“Cold...cold...cold...cold…” she whimpered, wriggling and squirming uncomfortably in her messy seat. “Oh FUCK, it's freezing!”

Cat Chaos pretended to be shocked and gasped. “Bad language is not acceptable!”

As penance, he delivered a wonderfully creamy pie sandwich - a pie in each hand smashed against the sides of Charm’s head. She was instantly deafened as her ears were filled with cream and crust and the tinnitus caused by the sheer force. She groaned loudly in protest, pastry falling from her scalp like dandruff, apple and strawberry jam sliding slowly down her cheeks and dripping to the floor.

Cat Chaos smiled, standing back to admire his handiwork. By this point, his victim was completely unrecognisable - her appearance was absolutely ruined. Her hair, once a shade of medium blonde and tied in ridiculous bunches was now coated in a thick layer of slop - cream, gunge and sticky syrup. There was even the slimy tail of a tinned sardine stuck in her fringe. 

The pale pink dress was now saturated in tomato sauce, ice cream and custard - in addition to splatters of various pie fillings and shreds of crust.

All that could be seen of her facial structure underneath the mountain of goop and slime was the outline of her glasses, which had somehow managed to stay on her face this whole time. She was breathing heavily through her mouth - her nose was completely clogged with cream and curry sauce - and trying in vain to not taste any of the mess she was coated with.

-----

“I've got one more prize for you Charm,” Cat Chaos said, bending forward and gently wiping the debris away from her eyes so that she could see what he was gesturing at.

To her horror, all of the children from the Halloween party earlier were stood behind him. Children who she'd bullied, pulled their hair, stolen their candy, given them wedgies and mocked their costumes. They were all pointing and laughing at her.

Charm hung her head in shame; not bearing to look at any of them. She felt her cheeks burning scarlet, her stomach clenching, her eyes watering. Her bottom lip was quivering. She tingled all over with embarrassment.

“Revenge is a dish best served cold… and sticky, gloopy, messy and creamy.” said Cat Chaos, folding his arms. “Now, do you have something to say to Sam and all his little friends?”

Charm sighed, looking up at the group of children. “Uh… I'm… I'm sorry,” she mumbled, “Sorry I was a big jerk…”

The children cheered, some even clapped. Cat Chaos’ usual evil smile softened as he began to free Charm from the restraints.

“Now, your highness… go and get cleaned up.” he said, gesturing to a door on the right, an inviting shower room calling to her. 

Bandicoots Don't Exist?

Allow me to tell you a story from my childhood...

Now I'm a big fan of the original Crash Bandicoot trilogy on the PS1. I even enjoyed the spin off titles: Crash Team Racing and Crash Bash. However, I do feel after the series migrated to the PS2 and Naughty Dog handed over development to Traveller’s Tales, the series began to go downhill. Crash 4: The Wrath of Cortex was OK, but the rest of them? Ugh.

Anyway, I was 5 years old when the original was released in 1996 and 7 years old when Crash Bandicoot 2 was released. I was in year 2 of primary school, and quite frankly obsessed with all sorts of video games, not just Crash. My teacher hated this; as nearly every creative project we were given, everything I did had an air of video games about it - I started writing fan fiction from a very young age, as soon as I got my own computer, I was unstoppable!

Anyway, one day at school, we had to write a story about what we would do if we were an animal for a day. Naturally, I chose a bandicoot. I was quickly shot down however, when the teacher humiliated me in front of the whole class, berating me for what felt like hours about “how bandicoots didn't exist.”

I ended up writing about a bear instead, but I was upset for the rest of the day. When I got home that night, I told my mam what happened. She was furious - and took me upstairs to her room where she dug out an encyclopedia of animals. After flipping through a few pages, she found a double - page spread on bandicoots. 

Bandicoots are small creatures that live on a mixture of insects, spiders and fungus. They’re native to Australia and Papua New Guinea - indeed, they are real. but of course, I already knew this. After playing Crash Bandicoot initially, I asked my parents if they were a real animal, and they assured me they were. My parents were always big into zoos, safari parks and animal conservation, and still are to this day - and like any parent, refuse to stand by when they know their child has been wrongfully punished.

The encyclopedia was essentially a big ringbinder folder, thus the pages could be removed. Mam sent me to school the next day, armed with the evidence that bandicoots DID actually exist. I got an apology from the teacher - and elevated my status amongst the other mini video game nerds in my class.