Pokémon That Are The Same Height As Me...?

I'm what some would call vertically challenged. I'm 5"3, which isn't even at the average height for a female in this country, which is 5"4. Everybody in my family is taller than I am, even if it's by an inch or two - I've always been the smallest. This became even more apparent when I got into a relationship with Shelly, who stands at fucking 5"11. However, Ash is only 4"9, so I get to call her an elf/goblin/hobgoblin/pixie/gnome etc. - hey, everybody else did it to me!

I went a long while thinking I was actually 5"1, until I got measured properly at the nurse's office - turns out I was two inches taller than I thought - I left that day feeling two inches more confident!

Anybody who is a fan of videos by YouTuber TheJWittz will probably have seen his videos where he outlines why Pokémon sizes are nonsense. Obviously, Pokémon is marketed towards kids. Most kids who play Pokémon games are probably between 3"00 and 4"8 - I guess... Thus, any big, scary Pokémon are going to be taller than they are - but adults like us, learning that we're the same height or even taller than the huge, imposing creatures - especially if they're legendary - it's just bizarre!

So, here is a list of Pokémon that are vertically challenged at 5"3, like I am. 

Blastoise

Do you not think it's weird that what we've all thought as an amazing fully evolved starter Pokémon that we all kicked some serious arse with, armed with its massive water cannons is only 5"3? Doesn't seem as menacing now, does it?

Golbat

Now this is one that surprised me. For anyone who has seen real bats, well, they're about the size of mice. Larger ones can be up to the size of big rats. Imagine a massive vampire bat with teeth that are probably as long as your fingers and a mouth your whole head could fit inside! Forget the annoying random encounters, if these were real, I'd never set foot in a cave once.

Machamp

I'm not sure if I'm surprised at this or not; I kinda imagined Machamp would be taller than I am, I had the image of like a 6"2 real-life bodybuilder. But then again, they are monsters and not people. This is another one where the size is somewhat underwhelming...

Tentacruel

What the actual fuck?! Real jellyfish are scary as hell. Once while swimming in the ocean I came within a metre of swimming into a massive group of them just hanging out on the water's surface. I've never been stung by a jellyfish, but sources tell me it stings like a bitch. Imagine a sting from a 5 FOOT jellyfish!

Slowbro

I think Slowbro is quite a cute Pokémon - and he has the face of a friendly stoner. I just want to grab him and give him a big hug. Knowing how tall he is - this sounds possible. :)

Hypno

You know what Hypno's backstory is? It kidnapped a child. This little nugget of information becomes even more disturbing when you visualise Hypno standing at the height of a human...

Zapdos

Now Zapdos makes sense to me. Sure, its a bird and there's not many 5 foot long birds around - but remember, it's a legendary Pokémon. All of the legendaries should be pretty big and threatening, in my opinion. But think about it this way, if you were to teach it Fly, it probably wouldn't be able to carry an adult, we're probably taller and heavier than Zapdos itself.

Noctowl

Noctowl is another one on this list that surprised me. After all, it could be one of your first experiences of evolution in Pokémon Gold/Silver/Crystal - it's just a bog standard stage 1 evolution normal/flying type. And it's a bloody owl! Yes, there are some pretty big owls in existence, but none that are 5 feet tall!

Gardevoir

I'm sure the Poképhilia community are happy at this news. Gardevoir stands at the height of slightly shorter than the average female. This one doesn't really surprise me much, what with it being a very human-like Pokémon, just like I wouldn't be surprised at creatures like Mr. Mime, Jynx and Alakazam having human-sized statures.

Dusclops

Looking at the backstory of Dusclops, this is pretty creepy - people who look inside of Dusclops' body will get sucked inside! Knowing how big it actually is, this becomes oddly more feasible...

Some other Pokémon that are 5"3 include Haunter - a human-sized ghost head and hands, Rampardos - the massive fossil Pokémon, Gallade - who kinda makes sense, like Gardevoir does, Magmortar - the 2nd stage evolution of the Magby/Magmar line and fucking METAGROSS. I'd understand it being 5 feet wide - but 5 feet TALL? Bloody hell.

(The cartoon simulacra of me is courtesy of the somewhat-outdated comic-creation app Bitstrips, fuck off, I still use Bitstrips, it's awesome.)