Fallout 4 Beer: Thoughts of a Cynical, Teetotal Brit

If you've even remotley interested in following the news about Fallout 4 - you've no doubt seen the many special editions, limited runs of merchandise, the collector's edition strategy guides and store/site exclusive deals and bundles - personally I'm getting the PC version from Amazon, with their limited edition artbook and stuff, and the collector's edition of the survival guide.

But have you seen this?

This is Fallout beer - and as far as I know, it's exclusive to us gamers here in the UK. The beer itself is made by Carlsberg, comes in crates of 12 and you need to be over 18 in order to purchase it - 18 of course, being both our legal drinking age and the PEGI rating for Fallout 4.

But I shan't be buying it. Why? Well, there's a few reasons.

1. I don't really drink - and when I do drink, I drink peach schnapps with a mixer, or just plain fruit cider - beer is fucking awful, I would rather drink cat piss - and I could get that for free.

2. The crate retails for £30 - which is £2.50 PER BOTTLE. Beer should not be that fucking expensive. I've seen some single bottles of ciders retail for around that price - but unless we're in some skanky bar, beer shouldn't cost that much. They're also only 330ml - the same amount that's in a tin of pop - not the standard 500ml! (And again, 500ml is the same as a bottle of pop, for those who aren't metric-ally minded.)

3. Even if I was going to keep them as a collectable - how long will it be before the beer goes off? I know beer itself is fermented - but it seems more likely that the empty bottles will become collectables, rather than the full ones - and there doesn't seem to be a really limited supply - so they won't be worth much for a while anyway. Also, how am I supposed to keep them safe? Everything on my collectables shelf is at risk of being knocked off by cats - most of the things are plastic or metal, and won't break if knocked. Keeping full glass bottles safe would just be a massive pain in the arse.

4. Fallout 4 beer has NOTHING to do with Fallout. Remember the beer bottles in Fallout? They're plain brown, and most likely brewed by Wasteland survivors. There is no branded beer available in the Wasteland - so why didn't they market a product that actually IS? Nuka Cola is the obvious choice of course, but some argue that that isn't possible due to the blatant parodying of Coca-Cola - OK fine, then what about Sunset Sarsaparilla? That's a unique Fallout product. What about their brands of scotch and whiskey? They have labels. Admittedly, a bottle of scotch or whiskey would retail for far more than beer - but I still bet people would buy it.

And why does it have to be a drink? Market some Fallout snacks - fucking Sugar Bombs, Radioactive Gum Drops, Bubblegum that comes with a pirate tattoo - fuck, even some real branded food products - I'll bet Kraft would do a deal and make real Blamco Mac N Cheese, Heinz could cash in with Pork N Beans - there's so much wasted potential here. 

And let's not forget, Fallout have included a REAL WORLD product in their games before. Bawls Guarana - a real-world energy drink that comes in blue glass bottles was featured in advertising and as a pick-up item in the spin-off game Fallout: Brotherhood of Steel. I bought some bottles to try just because of that game. It seems bloody standard for games nowadays to be filled with product placement - would it be too weird to have a dusty old bottle or irradiated package of a real-world product? Probably not.